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Someday (Maybe)

By Sarah Larson | Comment Diversions | March 31, 2010 |

By Sarah Larson | Comment Diversions | March 31, 2010 |

First off, that picture has nothing to do with anything. I just thought it was funny.

So anyway, I’ve never been to Vegas. I’ve been to various and sundry cities on four continents, but I’ve never been to Las Vegas. Yeah, I’ve heard all about how it’s a one-of-a-kind experience and it’s all super duper mega happy fun times with neon lights and casinos and liquor and drunken quickie weddings and shows and strippers and boobs and buffets, and somehow the sum of all those parts equals a hot slurry of MEH for me. I have an intellectual understanding of the inherent awesome-osity, but I just can’t be bothered to care.

I feel the same way about The Dark Knight, which is why I’ve never seen it. Yes, I know this is shocking, or whatever. I’ve heard. Yeah, the movie’s totally awesome. I’ve heard. Yeah, Heath Ledger’s Joker was mindblowing, blah blah… OH MY GOD, I HAVE HEARD ALL THE HELL ABOUT IT, OKAY? I know. I get it. I just don’t care.

I liked Batman Begins just fine. It was pretty good. I’ve seen it three times, I think. I own it on DVD. Honestly though, on re-watching, Batman Begins is a good movie, but it’s also a fairly boring one. Whether it’s fair or not, accurate or not, in my mind The Dark Knight has ended up tainted with the same stench of boredom. It’s probably high quality boredom, surely, but boring nonetheless and I’d really rather just watch Clue again for the eleven thousandth time.

Before The Dark Knight had even been released, I’m pretty sure I had seen approximately 67% of the entire movie divvied up amongst assorted previews and commercial clips, and without moving into some sort of underground bunker, there was no way to escape being inundated with promos and posters and whatnot. By the afternoon of the day it was released, several people had already told me - with no prompting - all about what few scraps of plot had been left out of the aggressive advertising campaign. Before my schedule even allowed a window of opportunity to go watch the movie, I felt like I’d already seen it at least six times.

That’s why I own The Dark Knight on DVD, but I’ve never even removed the shrink wrap. I know it’s a movie I should probably see, but I simply cannot work up the ambition. The same is true of WALL-E, No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood. I know they’re all supposed to be good, but I also already know their plotlines and I can’t work up enough interest to actually watch them.

We all have a list of movies like this, I think. Movies that get people’s dander up when they find out we haven’t seen them. TK’s is The Shawshank Redemption, and you’d best not harass him about it because that will only make him all the more determined to never, ever watch it. That’s what usually happens whenever someone gets hassled about films they’re “supposed to” have seen; every gasp of indignation makes the movie that much less interesting than it was five minutes ago. Folks tend to get the most offended about older films you’ve never watched. I haven’t seen Scarface or Casablanca, and sometimes people react like I just told them I’ve never seen a horseless carriage.

So what are your glaring omissions in film viewing? ‘Fess up about movies you probably should’ve seen, but haven’t.

Sarah Larson lives in Minnesota, where she is usually up to no good. She doesn’t believe in wool socks, no matter HOW cold it is, because they are itchy and there are few things in this life worse than itchy feet. She can be reached by email here.

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