It has been years since I’ve dressed up for Halloween. I was going to do it last year and take the kids out trick or treating but couldn’t find the proper items for my costume so I shit-canned it. I had also planned to do it this year but I have a hockey game on Sunday night and I think that the league frowns upon flowing robes and zombie makeup while on the ice. Damn them and their rules of safety! I promise that I’ll get around to it eventually but if other commitments would piss off and allow me to have a bit of fun, it would be appreciated. It’s something I’ve looked forward to for the last few years but something always seems to come along to prevent me from expressing my inner demon child.
I would suppose that if my wife and I were ever invited to costume parties that didn’t conflict with the our darling children sucking the life out of us, we would probably make more of an effort to dress up and attend one; just as long as it wasn’t work related. You know that my costume would be all kinds of fucked up and probably offensive, so I don’t really feel the need to risk my job by mingling my deranged grey matter with work associates in a social setting. For example, this year I was planning on a Sweet Zombie Jesus! costume that undoubtedly would have caused a stir given the rather conservative and religious people I work for. Of course, me being me, I would have told them exactly who I was and fuck them if they couldn’t take a joke because mmmmm, sweet zombie sacrilege.
It was going to be good too. Full zombie make up, long hair and beard, flowing robes and a perpetually surprised expression on my grim visage. Then I was going to slather myself in honey or maple syrup to add the sweet element that was missing. At least that was my plan until I gave it a little more thought and realized that the only thing that attracts bears more than menstruation is a honey-dipped Doran. I’ve since amended that portion of the costume to be a halo of pixie sticks. It’s not quite as effective but should serve to get the point across. Alas it will have to wait until next year if I don’t think of something else in the dreary 365 days until the next day of demons.
All of this preamble brings me to the point of today’s comment diversion which is two-fold. If you’ve read yesterday’s diversion, you’ll know that I’m rather lacking in my costuming skills so I’m constantly in awe of people who manage to put together kick-ass or clever disguises on Halloween. What’s the best costume you’ve ever seen and, also, what kind of sexy insert occupation here are you dressing up as for this festive occasion?* Help me to live vicariously through Pajiba. Please?
*I realize that most of you are not sexing up an occupation this year, but for fuck’s sake, you can get sexy anything these days. I really won’t be surprised when they come out with a sexy syphilis costume next year.
These two get my vote for greatest ever: