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Mmmmmm, Meat Popsicles

By Miscellaneous | Comment Diversions | August 26, 2010 |

By Miscellaneous | Comment Diversions | August 26, 2010 |

I don’t know if we’ve done a diversion like this before and, quite frankly, I’m not looking through six years of posts to confirm if we have as I’m sure someone will let me know in the comments. If we have, sack up buttercup and do it again and if we haven’t, well then la-tee-da it’s my lucky fucking day.

If you’re anything like I am (hopefully you’re not because I would hate to think there are two of us who aren’t currently incarcerated) then you have a movie collection that most people would deem fairly reasonable. While my cornucopia will surely be considered small by some of your measures (and those who don’t know how to convert from metric) I’m rather proud of my 200 strong collection of DVD’s and Blu-rays. When you add Netflix, Netflix Instant Watch and download torrents to the list of readily available movie sources, most people have literally thousands of different movies of any genre, length, and rating we can choose from. I say most because it may interest you to know that Canadians cannot get instant watch from our Netflix equivalent (which I like to call Nuckflix) due to our, what some may consider, lax copyright laws. Quite frankly, I would like to keep it that way, even if it means sacrificing the ability to watch whatever I want right now. (take note Stephen Harper!)

So with all these movies available to me in a myriad of different formats I could watch a different movie every day for years and never repeat. But that’s not what happens. I still find myself standing there looking at my collection, the four or so unopened Nuckflix envelopes and my computer screen and asking myself, “What the hell am I going to watch?” I will readily admit that I kind of feel like a schmuck when I’m in this situation. It’s like having full satellite and complaining that there’s nothing on any of the seven hundred channels. In instances like these I always end up watching one movie. The old faithful, never let me down, seen it a hundred times and will see it a hundred more, never ever get tired of it disk of digital redemption. I think all of us have on or two of this type of movie. Whether it is comedy, horror, drama, action or a hybrid of some sort, it’s that single movie that always finds its way into your player. It may not be the best movie, it may not even be your favourite movie, but it’s the one that you’ll always pick in that circumstance. For me, it’s 1997’s The Fifth Element.

I’m not going to re-hash the review that the more than capable Steven Lloyd Wilson has already done because that would be redundant and I hate redundancy because it’s redundantly redundant. Nevertheless, for me, it’s got the perfect blend of comedy, action, science fiction, drama and plot. The effects are excellent, the story brisk and, come on, costumes designed by Jean-Paul Gauthier in all of his haute-couture glory! When you stir in what turned out to be some stellar casting in Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, Ian Holm, Mila Jovovich and Chris Tucker in his only good performance since Friday, well, pass me Gemini Croquettes because I’m having a party. I’ve seen it so many times that I can nearly recite the damn thing which really is saying something considering how terrible I am with quotes. This was undeniably proven by Dustin’s quiz on Lightly Salted yesterday. I know every character, I know every musical score and I know every scene where Leeloo’s orange thong-suspenders perfectly encircle her perky nipples. Don’t judge me, they may as well have painted bulls-eyes on the damn things.

It’s not the greatest movie by any definition of the word nor is it my favourite movie in my collection, but I watch it every time I can’t find anything else or if I just don’t feel like deciding. Of all the options that I could avail myself of, it’s the one I’ll always come back to. What’s your go-to movie?

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