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Independence Day Regionalisms

By Paddydog | Comment Diversions | July 1, 2009 |

By Paddydog | Comment Diversions | July 1, 2009 |

Independence Day is my most-loved American holiday (I hate when people call it “July 4th”). What could be better for an Irish chick than celebrating independence from the Brits? And since this is a weekend when many people traditionally travel to different states to visit family or to get away from family, what are Pajibans’ favorite state/regional quirks (good or bad) they observe on these annual road trips along the nation’s highways? My top five:

New Jersey: No “secret sauce” on White Castles reducing a previously delicious snack to a steamed unknown substance on bread.

Florida: Urban planning equals 3-5 titty bars punctuated by an evangelical church, then repeat.

Maine: $1.50 foot-long lobster rolls at McDonalds; exactly what part of the lobster are we getting for $1.50? (Really? Holy Shit! I know what I’m where my family is eating tomorrow. — DR)

Texas: The really fancy restaurants ask you to check your gun with the maitre d’ before dining; because we all pack a gun before going out to eat, right?

Wisconsin: They’re called Cheese Heads; outside of the Vermont region, they have the highest concentration of artisanal cheese makers in the US. They have luscious grazing lands. So what do they pepper their highways with? Giant “Cheese Castles” that sell “American Cheese” made primarily of “corn oil, yellow coloring #3, and dehydrogenated artificial cheddar-like flavoring.”

Pajiba Love 07/01/09 | Youth in Revolt: The Journals of Nick Twist

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.