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In a Dream You Are Never Eighty

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | August 31, 2013 |

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | August 31, 2013 |

As MaguitaNYC pointed out to me, it’s time for a “tell us your dreams and nightmares” diversion. Have we done this before? Hell, yes. Is it always fascinating? Hell, yes! Besides one assumes you’ve had new and freaky dreams since last time.

Last night, I dreamt about visiting an art archive at a university. I was shown pieces in the collection by a historian/professor, including those that had been accidentally immersed in some sort of fluid that made them more valuable. This led to my coating a stack of monochromatic canvases in gasoline to increase their value and then, either because of that or because I had killed the historian, I’m not sure, I was on the run. Frequently in dreams, I can vault over railings or jump down flights of stairs. Last night, was just such an occasion. The scenery was lovely, even being seen quickly in passing. The campus was green and lush, the hallways oak-paneled. I was getting caught when I woke up, but I don’t remember being afraid.

My psyche provides remarkably consistent dream elements. If I dream of mice, I am worried about money. Generally, our house will have vermin I am attempting to stomp unsuccessfully. When I feel powerless, I dream that of speaking, but I have gum in my mouth and no matter what I do, I can’t get it out. I keep pulling out wads, but there is always more. I dream of hitting or screaming at people I’m angry with. I have awful dreams where I am trying to get somewhere desperately and I’m kind of run-crawling along the ground, pulling myself along by grabbing clumps of grass. Not exactly profound, I know. I’m vanilla even in sleep.

I bet your dreams are much more interesting, or interesting full stop. Please deposit them below for us to judge.

A tip of the subconscious to Anne Sexton for the title.

One last thing: At junctures such as these, I am contractually-obligated to mention that my best friend has not once, but twice called and awakened me from a dream in which I was moments away from behaving like a wanton and salacious jezebel with Jon Stewart. TWICE!

Comment diversion suggestions, metaphors, and left-handed scissors can be sent here.

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