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If You Were Given One Musical Montage In Your Life, What Would You Do with It?

By Dustin Rowles | Comment Diversions | September 27, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | Comment Diversions | September 27, 2011 |

A few weeks ago, I noted in our review of Sarah Jessica Parker’s I Don’t Know How She Does It that SJP’s character made terrible use of her music montages.

The only time anything ever seems to actually happen in I Don’t Know How She Does It is during a musical montage, of which there are many, all of which Kate under-utilizes. Do you know how much you can accomplish in a musical montage? Jason Bateman learned an entire semester’s worth of biology in a musical montage in Teen Wolf Too. Daniel-san wiped out most of the members of Cobra-Kai in a music montage. Rocky trained for the heavy-weight championship of the world in a musical montage. What can Kate Reddy do in a musical montage? Attend a birthday party and look over some paperwork with a serious expression. Oh, la dee fucking da! Take better advantage of your musical montages, lady.

After reflecting on the gloriously written paragraph above, noodlestein proposed that we devote a comment diversion to the topic. That is to say: What would you do if given a real-life musical montage. What event would you fast-forward though, and what song would accompany it?

Personally, I think the best use of a musical montage, at least for many women, would be for pregnancy. Think of it: You could condense 9 mostly miserable months into 3 minutes with a montage of: Conception (in the back of a Volkswagen); a close up of the positive result on the pregnancy test; vomiting as the sun rises; the swollen limbs; the hemorrhoids; the frequent trips to Dairy Queen to satisfy cravings; the agonizing childbirth experience; and then the montage would gloriously end with you holding a newborn baby.

Song choice: “Alive and Kicking,” by Simple Minds.

How about you, folks? How would you make use of your musical montage?

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.