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I Would Do Anything For Love, But, Um, Ew, No, Not That

By Joanna Robinson | Comment Diversions | April 20, 2011 |

By Joanna Robinson | Comment Diversions | April 20, 2011 |


This afternoon’s salacious comment diversion comes via commenter Patty O’Green who relates the following sexploit:

I was listening to my iTouch on shuffle at work when “Night Swimming” by R.E.M. came on. Every time I hear that song I think of an ex of mine that I met one summer. He was very outdoorsy (read: mountain man), and I thought of myself as outdoorsy (read: pale). Months after summer was over and our relationship was somehow holding on, I flew out to spend a week with him. On the drive from the airport to his house (out in the nowheres) he stopped on the side of a dark (seriously, middle of nowhere) road and beckoned me follow him.

In the light of the headlights we wandered through a slight treeline to find a huge quarry and lake. He had remembered our long ago conversation about swimming at night and how romantic/sexy it would be. So he strips off his shirt and walks out of his shoes giving me a come-hither look as he backs up to the water.

Faced with the reality of the situation - namely not being able to see anything and suddenly remembering every trailer for a horror film I had ever seen - I wussed out. He seemed disappointed, but understanding. After all, he was accustomed to nature’s playground and weird mountainy happenings. We went on to his house and proceeded to have a weird/wonderful/totally bizarre week, which turned out to be the beginning of the end (for the best).

So the question is this: what is something you thought would be totally romantic or sexy that turned out to be horrifying/hilarious/painful/embarrassing?

Joanna Robinson has had sand in all manner of places. She did not enjoy it at all. Email! Twitter!