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Here's to Your Health

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | January 15, 2011 |

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | January 15, 2011 |

So here I was, all sick and shit with what I hope is at worst a gargantuan and miserable chest cold (and not really pneumonia), wishing I could die for just a little while, trying to muster the strength to come up with a diversion for you wonderful people. (The only real benefit to this illness is I have my Death-Metal Barry White voice back — “War, Famine, Pestilence, Destruction … baby” — with which I could leave awesome phone answering messages.)

We know Pajibans are scathing and bitchy. Who knew we were psychic too?

Into my “In” basket came this, from the stupendiawesome Mrs. Smith, to whom I couldn’t be more grateful:

Hey Tater,

Mrs Smith here. I’ve got a suggestion for a comment diversion for you.

With it being the new year and all, almost everyone on Earth is thinking about ways to improve their health and/or lifestyle in order to stave off imminent death.* Some are hoping to lose weight, some are trying to get more exercise, some may be trying to drop a bad habit like smoking or drinking— all in hopes of feeling or looking better in 2011.

So, how “healthy” are the ‘jibans? As a group it seems we probably have some bad-ish habits, and a few have suffered extreme health scares but overall, are we really sickly and unhealthy, obese, arthritic, and heart-attack prone; are we a group of super-fit, raw food-eating gym bunnies or, do we fall somewhere in between.

I, for one, am actually super-fit in a cardio sense; I work out regularly (I teach spinning, weight-lifting and mixed martial arts classes part time), but I could definitely stand to lose at least 20 pounds. I don’t smoke, but I do love a good g&t or a glass of red wine at dinner and I eat red meat and enjoy the occasional Arby’s Beef & Cheddar with a jamoca shake. I like to think that my gym routine sets off my less savory eating and drinking habits, but who knows, just because my Vo2max is in the superior range for a 20 year old (I’m 48), it doesn’t mean that I won’t be struck down tomorrow with arthritis or colon cancer, both of which run in my family. I did sign up for Weight Watchers (again) on Jan 2 and will probably get those 20 pounds off, but I’ll still be “pleasingly plump” especially for a group fitness instructor, and I’m cool with that as long as I can get back into my work clothes and not look like a sausage in my padded bike shorts.

So how about it. Are we a bunch of junk food junkies, raging alcoholics, steroid pumpers, sedentary office workers, high-metabolism youngsters, or some other form of human body types, and what, if any, plans do you have to change your health and lifestyle choices in the new year?


Mrs Smith

*For tax reasons, some rich people may feel this is a good year to kick, since the so-called death tax is in a lapsed year and that means when you die, your family will not have to pay taxes on your estate. I am not a tax expert, so don’t do anything foolish based on this information.


Well, as you might imagine, long-term health goals are on the back burner for me right now. I just hope I feel better tomorrow.

What about the rest of you?

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.