We ran this diversion last October, but styles, readers, and ideas can change over the course of the year, plus I’ve had several requests for this diversion already, so I think it’s fitting to solicit more Halloween Costume ideas. Just last year, King Burger was one of the more popular choices — I suspect this year that Max (from Where the Wild Things Are) will be the costume du jour, at least for the kiddies.
And God knows, you can’t rely on those Halloween costume stores that crop up in the suburbs every year. I went to one the other day, for the first time in my life, to look for a costume for my son. Let me just say: I was really fucking appalled. This is what Halloween has become: Nine-year-old boys running around a store full of severed heads and bloody stumps, begging their mothers for Jigsaw Murderer masks? Are you fucking kidding me? Granted, I spent a lot of my formative years watching horror movies, but nothing as nihilistic and brutal as Saw, and I couldn’t have imagined wanting to be a torturing serial killer for Halloween. Meanwhile, the costumes for the girls — and I’m not even talking about older teenagers or adult women, I’m talking about 11 or 12-year-olds — were French maids, short-skirt nurses, and basically princess prostitutes. Maybe it’s because I’m a parent now, but I don’t seem to remember Halloween being about dressing up as ultra-violent mass murderers and whores. All of which is to say: Get off my lawn, assholes.
And I swear to God, if another crew of older teenagers knocks on my goddamn door and asks for candy, I’m gonna shove a Snickers bar up each and every one of their asses. It’s not funny when a 16-year-old goes trick ‘r treating. It’s not a hilarious joke. There’s nothing campy about it, or pseudo-ironic. It’s just sad. And pathetic. If you’re old enough to get a job, you’re too old to go trick ‘r treating.
Where were we: Halloween costume ideas. Yes. Cheap. Inventive. Fun. What have you got?