FLANasty: The Most Disgusting Thing You've Ever Eaten
First, a warning: Do not Google “disgusting food.” *horf* You will be sorry. Though you could have been greeted at Pajiba today with vile images of brains and guts and all manner of mushy, vomit-inducing, lumpy bowls of who-knows-what, I decided to go with a weird looking pizza.
So, you know that feeling when you bite into something you’ve never tried before? Maybe you went to the buffet (fool), decided to be adventurous. You take a bite of something and the texture hits you, even before the awful taste. You freeze, eyes open wider, your forehead scrunches. Whatever’s in your mouth is gelatinous or there’s something bubbly…tapioca-ish, only you know it’s not tapioca. I have a real problem with Jello-y products (boiled bones and connective tissue!) and if any such thing hits my mouth, I immediately spit it out. And I have no qualms about spitting out food, people, so look out if you ever have opportunity to eat something strange with me. Napkin or no napkin (into my hand, if I have to), I will spit freely. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m pretty apt to try different kinds of foods and I enjoy just about all foreign cuisine, so this isn’t about having a limited palate. I’ve never tried caviar, but I can definitely say that the sushi roll with all the eggs is, it’s kinda, sorta my nightmare food. DIS-GUS-TING.
I’ve gone for dim sum with a friend of mine, who introduced me to real Chinese food (which bears no resemblance to American Chinese food) and tried some strange things (including steamed balls of rice with all the parts of a tiny bird inside), but Mexico is probably where I’ve tried more foods that I just had to spit out. Specifically, the desserts. The places I’ve been have all had wonderful food, but they just cannot make a meal ender outside of ice cream and flan. But honestly, there is no “food” in the world worse than what the military sends out to soldiers in the field. They used to be C-rations and after that came MREs (Meals, Ready to Eat). Either way, my best description of the stuff that is inside, is: pet food. The smell, the texture…never mind the taste (I can’t really compare, never having tried actual pet food); it is vile. You might find some crackers in the pack. Something that resembles chocolate if you’re lucky. In the old days you’d get a cigarette and some gum. But the meat items—mystery meat—would leave you preferring to starve. So that’s my most disgusting food, military mystery meat; now what’s yours? I just know you people have eaten some vile things. And don’t say “Susie.”