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No Clowns!

By Sarah Larson | Comment Diversions | February 17, 2010 |

By Sarah Larson | Comment Diversions | February 17, 2010 |

Y’all are watching the Olympics, right? I don’t understand people who don’t watch the Olympics. I hate watching sports because I think it’s the most boring thing in the world to sit around and watch other people do stuff for four hours, but I am weirdly obsessed with the Olympics and I will watch any event. Somehow a sport is more interesting when you know that two people have spent four years training for one moment, during which they choose to dress as motherfucking clowns, and then the next day they fall flat on their asses because Zeus is still technically in charge of the Olympics and he does not much care for your clown fuckery, Germany.

I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

Sunday night was the Olympic pairs short programme in figure skating. The German pairs team of Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy came gliding out wearing THIS nonsense (naturally, to the dulcet tones of “Send in the Clowns”):


Partway through their routine, you can see them start to question the wisdom of these outfits:


They did very well in the short programme, possibly because they scared the piss out of most of the competition since anyone with an ounce of sense is terrified of clowns. Monday night’s long programme was a different story, however. For the free skate, the German pair dressed as cater-waiters:


I’m pretty sure Zeus hasn’t taken an interest in the Olympics since approximately the fourth century, but I guess he spent Sunday night in a state of coulrophobic catatonia, and by Monday he was clearly recovered and pissed as hell because Germany fell down and went boom like their asses were struck by lightning:


Let’s zoom in on that agony, shall we?


So anyway, Shen and Zhao of China won the gold, and Germany was stuck with bronze. Obviously, they should not have skipped the sacrificing of 100 oxen.

What’s the most ridonkulous thing you’ve ever had to get trussed up in for a job? Were you ever a mascot? Did you spend a summer in college waitressing at Hooters like Skitz? Tell us all about your most heinous work-related costume. Photographic evidence is, as always, strongly encouraged.

Sarah Larson lives in Minnesota, where she is usually up to no good. She does not believe in clowns, because LALALA SHE CAN’T HEAR YOU, PENNYWISE. She only updates her blog when bullied into it, but you can read the archive here if you’re bored enough.

Stalin's Son | Pajiba After Dark 2/17/10

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