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Can You Guys Do This?

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | October 24, 2009 |

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | October 24, 2009 |

Way back when I worked at my first job, I spent most of my time and most of my money (my pittance of a paycheck) at a bar called the Jury Box. So called, I presume, because it sat across the alley behind the county courthouse in the little nowhere town where I lived for two years.

I also knew the town burnout, a guy named Howard who looked like Charlie Manson on a bad hair day and IIRC dealt a little weed and who knows what else. Against all odds, Howard had a reasonably pretty wife named Shari who tended bar at the Box. She looked exactly, it would turn out decades later, like the Corpse Bride.

They also had a boy whose name I don’t remember and is not germane to the story anyway. Suffice to say he was maybe 8, maybe 10, and because it’s where his mom and dad spent a lot of their time, he hung out at the bar, too.

One day I’m at a table with two co-workers and we’re drinking 50 cent Stroh’s and amusing each other with little hand tricks. You people who are double-jointed will know what I mean. I was like, “Can you do this?” and I’d throw my left hand over my left shoulder and my right hand behind my back and link hands that way (try it, it’s not easy). Each of us was showing off some stupid little thing we can do (I SAID it was a nowhere town).

All the while, the kid is watching us, a half-demented sort of smile on his face. God only knew what evil experiments had been performed on this kid.

Suddenly, he pipes up: Hey! Can you guys do this?

And he rears back and with all his might slams his forehead on the table and comes up with this big, proud, dazed grin.

Needless to say, the three of us were on the fucking floor — really, I was on the floor — laughing so hard we were fighting for breath for the next 10 minutes.

That remains, to this day, 30 years later, hands down the funniest fucking thing I have ever seen.

You see where this is headed.

Yes, indeedy. Us shut-ins can get help each other get through the weekend by sharing the funniest things we’ve ever seen, though I know none of them will be, can POSSIBLY be, as funny as that. Try anyway. Go on.


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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.