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Can a Fella Get Some Parenting Advice Around Here?

By Dustin Rowles | Comment Diversions | July 15, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Comment Diversions | July 15, 2010 |

I am really digging Dr. Pisaster’s new sex column for the site. It’s going much better than I anticipated, and I wanted to thank you all for approaching it with a modicum of maturity, too. Dr. Pisaster is doing an impeccable job with it.

I have a few more ideas to occasionally expand the site into a couple of other areas under the “lifestyle” banner, but a parenting column isn’t one of them. I very much doubt it’d work on this site, and finding a parenting expert would probably be a chore. All the same, when Kballs approached me the other day with a parenting problem, and asked if I could submit it to the class, if you will, I thought it’d be a good opportunity to not just address Kballs’ concerns, but — for the parents among you — submit your own parenting issues and concerns and solicit the advice of the readership. I know, a few months ago, when I was attempting to potty train lil’ Axl that the ‘Jiba folks over on Facebook were really helpful.

That’s not to say that your number one concern shouldn’t be Kballs. He’s got a doozy of an issue, and I’ll just let him put it to you.

I am calling on the Pajibans for advice about having and raising twins, but not just the common schlock I’ll get from books and everyone else about treating them differently and all that obviousness. What are some of the issues we’ll confront that we won’t find in books or by perusing our stores of common sense? I’m talking financial, spacial, emotional, all of it. We have a kid already, so don’t hit me with “Don’t forget to feed them!!!” or “You won’t sleep for a year!!!” We know all the basics, so feel free to submit answers in parenting shorthand. I pendulum between pure excitement and pure terror, so this will help me calm down before I die of a heart attack/stroke combo.

(Kballs also had a couple more observations purely for entertainment value:)

Is it necessary to use a GIANT camera wand for early ultrasounds? Mrs. Kballs dubbed it “The Violator.” As a society, we can make itty-bitty HD cameras, but the OB-Gyn has to shove a Viking Oar into her vagina? I felt like a pantsless Michael Bay next to that thing.

While spelunking my wife, the lady doctor made a comment about the unusually large size of Mrs. Kballs’ uterus. I laughed out loud because my brain told me, “huge vagina.” I didn’t share my thoughts with the violator and violatee. That’s when the doc looked around and came across amniotic sac #2. “Push me over with a feather” doesn’t begin to describe how I felt. Then my 13-year-old brain thought “clown car” and I nearly vomited.

Once this thing gets rolling (hopefully), I’d like to present my own question in the comments later tonight. But for now: Twins. Damn.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.