Bang Out Your Dead!
I was contemplating a Celebrity Throat Punch diversion, but just as I get really excited at the prospect of slapping some smirking asshat, I get lost in a quagmire of “but he/she’s a person” and I feel too guilty to put my violent impulses into writing, except for Ann Miller:
We like to go on at length about the manifest bangability of celebrities, so I’m reaching back into the Pajiba Vaults with this one. Since I have virtually the same chance of getting access to Ewan McGregor in 2012 as I do Cary Grant in 1941, I’m going to pick the five dead celebrities whose mortis I’d most like to rigor:
1. Cary Grant Always and forever.
2. Gregory Peck
3. (My Secret Husband) William Powell
4. Errol Flynn
That Robin Hood guy?
Have you ever seen him in a suit?
5. Gene Kelly
Note: The second Peter O’Toole shuffles off this mortal coil, the door will hit Gene Kelly’s magnificent ass on the way out.
Not only can I not think of living women whose privates I should like to become familiar with, I really can’t imagine one who I would go to the trouble of bringing back to life. Herewith, in a special, one time special appearance by Mr. Julien are his most bangable dead celebrities:
1. Natalie Wood
2. Janet Leigh
3. Ingrid Bergman
4. Simone Simon
5. Grace Kelly
Tell us Pajibans, which 5 celebrity corpses would you most like to reanimate so you can jump their bones?