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Bang Out Your Dead!

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | December 1, 2012 |

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | December 1, 2012 |

I was contemplating a Celebrity Throat Punch diversion, but just as I get really excited at the prospect of slapping some smirking asshat, I get lost in a quagmire of “but he/she’s a person” and I feel too guilty to put my violent impulses into writing, except for Ann Miller:

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She’s dead and I still want to punch her.

Moving on…

We like to go on at length about the manifest bangability of celebrities, so I’m reaching back into the Pajiba Vaults with this one. Since I have virtually the same chance of getting access to Ewan McGregor in 2012 as I do Cary Grant in 1941, I’m going to pick the five dead celebrities whose mortis I’d most like to rigor:

1. Cary Grant Always and forever.

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2. Gregory Peck


3. (My Secret Husband) William Powell

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4. Errol Flynn

That Robin Hood guy?


Have you ever seen him in a suit?


5. Gene Kelly


Note: The second Peter O’Toole shuffles off this mortal coil, the door will hit Gene Kelly’s magnificent ass on the way out.

Not only can I not think of living women whose privates I should like to become familiar with, I really can’t imagine one who I would go to the trouble of bringing back to life. Herewith, in a special, one time special appearance by Mr. Julien are his most bangable dead celebrities:

1. Natalie Wood


2. Janet Leigh


3. Ingrid Bergman

I told him I can’t see it. He told me to get some glasses.

4. Simone Simon

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5. Grace Kelly

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Tell us Pajibans, which 5 celebrity corpses would you most like to reanimate so you can jump their bones?

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