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Dancing with the Woman at the Bar.jpg

A Pajiban Walks into a Bar

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | January 9, 2010 |

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | January 9, 2010 |

Pajiban walks into a bar and orders a beer. Under his arm he carries his little yellow pet.

A few minutes later an enormous trucker comes in and orders an entire bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Guy’s a huge motherfucker, maybe 6-foot-8, 350 pounds. He bites the neck off the bottle and drinks half of it in a swallow, and he starts eyeing the Pajiban. It takes him 5 seconds to home in on the guy’s pet, and he starts to laugh.

“Hey, ya pussy!” he yells down the bar. “That’s the motherfuckin’ ugliest dog I have ever seen in my fuckin’ life. What color is that thing? Looks like baby shit to me.”

The Pajiban sips his beer.

“I’m talkin’ to you,” the trucker snarls. “I said you got an ugly motherfuckin’ dog. Whattaya think of that?”

The Pajiban sips his beer.

Trucker says, “Hey, dickface, my dog would kick your dog’s ass.”

Pajiban sips and says, “Don’t think so.”

“WHAAAAAAT?!?” the trucker shouts. “You cocksucker, my dog would KILL your ugly little yellow piece of shit.”

Pajiban sips his beer and says, “Care to make it interesting?”

The trucker is enraged. “Yeah, motherfucker, I would. I got a hundred bucks says my dog will eat your dog in 5 seconds and spit out the bones, you pussy.”

Pajiban says, “You’re on.”

So the trucker storms out into the parking lot and unties the enormous Doberman he has tied in the back of his pickup. Beast weighs about as much as the trucker and stands 5 foot at the shoulder, a huge creature with a head the size of a watermelon.

Pajiban comes out the door and sets his little yellow pet on the asphalt.

Trucker points at it and says, “Kill.”

The Doberman howls and takes three enormous strides and launches itself in the air.

Whereupon the little yellow pet bites the Doberman in half.

The trucker and everyone who came out of the bar to watch are stunned into silence. Finally after about 15 seconds of picking his jaw up off the parking lot, the trucker looks at the Pajiban and says, “Jesus fucking Christ, I ain’t never seen nothing like that in my life. Mister, what the fuck kind of dog IS that?”

Pajiban says, “Well, before I cut off his tail and painted him yellow, he was an alligator.”

Your turn:

Pajiban walks into a bar …

TATER BARLEY BANKS is not to be trusted. He probably makes up everything he writes about himself, especially the stuff about living in West Virginia. Don’t be fooled. In truth, he lives in Pajibaland, where he speaks gibberish as , (TCFKAB), spends his time sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent, and is developing a 25-letter alphabet, now that his key doesn’t work. He has no blog, no Facebook page and no MySpace page, so don’t try to find him. If you’re so inclined, you can email Tater.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.