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72 Days, $18 Million: Who Would You Marry For That Pay Day?

By Sarah Carlson | Comment Diversions | November 2, 2011 |

By Sarah Carlson | Comment Diversions | November 2, 2011 |

We’ll give reality star Kim Kardashian the benefit of the doubt and assume her brief marriage to NBA player Kris Humphries was legitimate and not simply a publicity stunt. But what if it were? Much of the goodies for their lavish wedding were donated, and the combined endorsements, TV and magazine deals reportedly brought Kardashian $18 million, a sum she and her family adamantly deny. That’s quite a pay day for a marriage that lasted 1,728 hours, give or take. More than $10,000 an hour, actually.

So: If you had the chance to take part in a sham wedding with a celebrity, putting up with them for a few months’ engagement (Humphries popped the question May 18, and he and Kardashian married Aug. 20) before a brief — let’s say 72 days — marriage, would you do it? Think about it: $18 million. Times are tough; Wall Street is still frakking occupied, for Pete’s sake. Would you swap integrity for financial freedom?

Marrying an A-list celebrity isn’t an option, obviously. B-listers would be out of your league as well. Let’s head to the D-list. Interestingly, as I pondered how low I would go when it comes to gross celebs, several unbearable comedians came to mind. I could marry Dane Cook, but only if I could get him to be silent. Being hitched to Jeff Dunham could be perversely worth the trauma if I were able to set his puppets on fire while he watched — and cried. But, I admit, I can only stoop so low.

I’ve got to draw the line somewhere:


Nope, can’t do it. Won’t. No.

How about you, Pajibians? Some of you are above this, surely. But others … I bet you could go lower than Carrot Top. So, who would you marry for $18 million?

Sarah Carlson has a front-row seat to the decline of the newspaper industry and lives in Alabama. And even though she loves redheads, she’s not a fan of carrots.

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