Yes, I Want to Smell Like Cher

Sometimes I’ll wake up from a deep sleep, gasping for air, shouting into the darkness of the night: “I want to smell like Cher!” When this happens, I look around, realize I must have been dreaming, and resume an uneasy sleep, knowing that I probably don’t smell like Cher at that moment.

It’s a rough life.

I love Cher. I love everything about Cher. Silkwood? Great movie. Mermaids?! Even better! Moonstruck? Snap outta it! It’s a classic! There is nothing Cher-related that I don’t love (my favorite X-Files ep is Cher-related, even,) and friends, I’m happy to share the news with you that soon, we can all smell like Cher.

Why?

Well, she’s launching a new unisex fragrance this year.

Per People:

The Grammy Award-winning artist announced her latest endeavor with ScentBeauty, the world’s first multi-brand e-commerce platform for bespoke fragrances, the day after celebrating her 73rd birthday. Cher’s new signature fragrance, called Eau de Couture by Cher, marks the star’s big return to the industry after her Uninhibited perfume became discontinued in 1987. But this time, Cher took a different approach to selecting the perfect scent.

“This is a genderless scent. I made it for people who love perfume and want to smell good and for people who feel that it’s part of who they are,” she said in a press release of the fragrance, which features notes of vanilla, bergamot, neroli, jasmine and vetiver.

I live in LA. Like everyone, I wore “Santal 33” for years until I realized that everyone else smelled like me and that’s kind of dumb. Then I switched over to a fancy-schmancy Diptyque perfume (“Ôponé”), because no one really wears it. It’s great and all, and is described pretentiously on the website as: “Ôponé was an ancient port in Somalia on the spice route. A tribute to an incessant ballet of aromas and colours, this fragrance is a concentration of Turkish rose that, in its trail, takes on spicy, leathery and woody accents, like fragranced treasures.”

I mean, sure, it sounds fancy but it’s not really being described as a scent you could wear while you were dressed in an outfit that could be described as black leather crotch floss that you had on while dancing on a ship in front of a bunch of sailors (and your son) while you sang about time travel, now does it?

I’m hoping Cher’s perfume will fit that bill, even if I’m a little cautious about the use of vanilla in it. As a rule, I do not like vanilla-based perfumes. Too sweet for my tastes. It reminds me of the stuff I wore in high school. The stuff I wore in 6th grade was better, but I doubt you can source a bottle of “Fetish” perfume anymore, can you? Also, totally off track, but, like, why was a perfume called “Fetish” being marketed to pre-teens and teens in the mid-’90s?! I digress.

If you’re ready to stop the night terrors about not smelling like Cher, you can do so this fall. Cher promises that she wears her own perfume every day, so you can rest easy you’ll smell like her when you wear it, too.

“This too is a milestone in my career as an artist. It completely expresses who I am, and I wear it every day,” she said. “I know there are people who don’t want to have anything on them, but I cannot even go to that place.”

As the saying goes: if it’s good enough for Cher, it’s good enough for the rest of us.

via GIPHY