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Why Have Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx Hidden Their Relationship So Long? That Damn Xenu

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | September 12, 2016 |

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | September 12, 2016 |

Katie Holmes had to literally escape her marriage under the cover of night through burner phones and lawyers in three different states, and special verbiage to ensure Tom Cruise can’t hypnotize their daughter Suri into hating Katie (like his other children do with their mother, Nicole Kidman) through thetan powers. But she’s been fairly quiet since that feat of badassery. And there might be a reason: in the terms of their very fast divorce, L. Ron Hubbard’s ghost sprinkled a little extra control powder. She would not be allowed to “embarrass Tom” by dating publicly.

“Katie signed a clause in her quickie divorce settlement that prevents her from embarrassing Tom in various ways, like talking about him or Scientology, or publicly dating another man for five years after the divorce,” the source claimed.

“She’s allowed to date, but she cannot do so in a public fashion, and she’s not supposed to let any boyfriend near their daughter, Suri,” the insider added. “Katie wanted out of the marriage so badly, she agreed to the terms — and got $4.8 million in child support, plus another $5 million for herself.”

Holmes and Foxx have allegedly been dating for three years but have never confirmed that and Foxx has repeatedly denied it.

Yes, OK, Radar, I know—BUT COME ON. Adding in a low blow about embarrassing the cult leader who brainwashed you for years and kept you out of Dark Knight? That’s a Cruisey, Xenu-y move.

Five years is up in 2017. And when it happens, I want Holmes-Foxx handholding/makeout/snuggle pics that would make Hiddleswift (RIP) jealous of their flagrancy. But more than that I want a tell-all, movie, podcast and ABC procedural from Shonda Rhimes about Katie’s life in Scientology and daring escape. Holy shit. I’m already subscribing on all platforms.

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