Friends, it’s time to go someplace dark, moist, and most likely smelly, and I apologize in advance for what’s about to go down, but you need to know the truth. Yes, friends, today is the day we discover the sordid truth about Chris Pine’s feet and why he hates socks so much.
Obviously, when someone has sworn a blood oath against socks, the first place you’d typically explore is whether or not a sock, somehow, led to an inadvertent tragedy in the family. My initial research shows that both of Pine’s parents are alive and well, so this is an avenue that ultimately leads to a dead-end. No use exploring that further.
Now we get into much more interesting territory, one in which I’m much more comfortable—a paranormal explanation. Obviously, I consulted my go-to friend and fae enthusiast, Jason, as to why someone might have an aversion to wearing socks, and what the implications of that could mean. Jason, whether you believe it or not, is a very busy man. In addition to juggling his family, work, and sending me old clips from Freddy Got Fingered in an attempt to demonstrate that the 2016 elections caused a rift in the space-time continuum, and he’s from a different timeline where that movie is regarded as funny (I’m not kidding); he’s also the Dungeon Master for his D&D guild. He always makes time for me when I have a question about the fae folk though, most likely in an attempt to get me to admit that Tom Green is in the ballpark of being funny. (I mean…maybe he is?) Within a few short moments we had our explanation, and friends, it’s a lot.
You see, we determined that goblins are quite fond of stealing everyday household items, so it stands to reason that perhaps Chris Pine has been tormented by his own for quite some time. So bear with me on a little thought exercise here —let’s say you’re a good looking guy name Chris, and some people think you’re the best guy named Chris in Hollywood (they would be wrong, which you know in your heart to be true, but still you appreciate the misguided effort) but you have a secret. For as long as you can remember, you’ve been plagued by a goblin living in your home, that enjoys stealing things from you just to remind you who’s really in charge. Due to your job of being an actor, you’re required to be seen out and about a lot, and also going to events to get interviewed and generally be handsome. You’re the type of guy who likes to look put together, so you plan your outfits ahead of time. Only each time you do, your socks go missing because the goblin likes to remind you of the hierarchy in the house, thus ruining the look of the whole ensemble. What do you do?
Do you keep fighting a losing war against a goblin, or do you give up and start planning outfits without socks?
What’s the logical choice here?!
Look, Chris Pine is many things (although #BestChris is not one of them) but he’s not dumb. He knows how to pick his battles and he certainly knows how to plan an outfit, so next time you notice that once again he’s sockless, have some sympathy for the man. He’s waging a war at home you wouldn’t want and couldn’t win.
Header Image Source: Live With Kelly and Ryan