Friends, if you thought you were the most excited about Angelina Jolie joining the cast of The Eternals, as part of phase 4 for the MCU, you’re going to have to get in line. Specifically behind Angelina Jolie’s six children because they are personally invested in the success of the film, most likely more than you are, unless you are one of Angelina’s six kids, which in that case, welcome!
Before you ask, no, they haven’t banded together to form their own production company that is getting in on the action of the film, although that would be a zig instead of a zag. Their interest is more grounded in the fact that their mom is finally going to become a superhero, and kick some butt on screen. (I guess most of them are too young to have seen Wanted, yet, huh?)
The actress and activist is set to make her Marvel Cinematic Universe debut in The Eternals next year, and she tells PEOPLE in the latest issue that her six kids are the most excited of all.
“What’s really moving to me is that they want to see me strong, and so it’s less to see me in a film, but they’re just happy I will be strong and having fun,” Jolie, 44, says of Maddox, 17, Pax, 15, Zahara, 14, Shiloh, 13, and 11-year-old twins Knox and Vivienne.
Look, of all the Pajiba Overlords, I am, without a doubt, the least qualified to talk about what to expect with The Eternals, since I don’t read comics if they’re not of the Archie or New Kids on the Block variety, and am kind of sick of superhero movies in general.
So, with that said, here’s some wild speculation as to what we can expect from Angelina’s role, and the movie in general, based on her comments above:
A circus setting. Angelina said her kids are looking forward to watching her be strong, so I imagine that means The Eternals will be set at a strong man tent at a circus, and the Eternals will all be body builders, lifting things. Besides, what’s more fun than a circus?!
Good oral hygiene practices. Hear me out on this one—you know what leads to strong and healthy gums? Flossing. So clearly the strength she references could refer to good oral hygiene practices. Angelina has six kids, you think she wants to be carting them to the dentist all the time to get fillings? No. She will undoubtedly want to demonstrate that strength in your gums, as well as your muscles, is what makes a super hero.
A Wayne Newton concert. Angelina said this role is about having fun, and what could possibly be more fun than a circus? A Wayne Newton concert, duh.
I mean, look, I crunched the numbers and the above are basically the only possible outcomes for this movie, so please don’t ask me to put a spoiler tag on this post. I can’t help it if my reasoning skills are superior. Just try to act surprised next year when you go to see The Eternals and it’s about a bunch of flossing carnies who come together to have a nice time at a Wayne Newton concert, OK?
I mean, I’m sure it will be a pleasant way to spend 4 hours. Oh, I forgot to mention that to tell that story, the movie will need to be 4 hours long. Nothing less can do it justice.
Anyway, I’m glad Angelina’s kids are excited for this movie, knowing what I know now about it, I am too. See you opening day, friends!
Header Image Source: Getty