There comes a time when you have to pick a side. Well, maybe not, but if I weren’t able to pose hard-hitting questions and demand that you take a side then I wouldn’t have a post today, so let me rephrase…
Friends, there comes a time when I force you to pick a side so I have something to write about and today is that day. Don’t listen to Aragorn on this one.
You always knew it would come to this because you knew the chaos demon that inhabits my meat suit enjoys making you pick between two random things that you don’t really think to put together. As such, we are going to divide Pajiba irrevocably down two party lines in what henceforth will be known as the Great Schism Debate of 2019, with the following: Who is hotter, Gerard Butler or George Clooney?
In the first corner, we have Gerard Butler.
In the other corner, we have George Clooney.
(You may be wondering what’s in the other two corners. Ghosts, obviously. Don’t go there, they may transport you to their realm, where the only thing you can eat is sweet pickles and we all know it’s better to starve than eat anything that’s not dill.)
…but which one of these two men is hotter?
Let’s start with George Clooney. He’s always wearing suits, so that’s a point in his favor. However, he lives in a temperate climate in Lake Como, so that’s a knock against. Additionally, he doesn’t look like he’s always burning off whiskey and meat sweats, so that basically DQs him out of the running when we have our next candidate.
Gerard Mother F’ing Butler.
Let’s dive in, shall we?
In addition to always looking like he just got off a bender at Tony Roma’s all-you-can-eat ribs ‘n brown liquor night, his complexion is always, shall we say, ruddy. There’s nothing about him that screams “cold hands!” No, friend, he looks like he’s almost always burning a low-grade fever (in my heart but also, in his body.)
Now, perhaps this was an unfair question because Gerard Butler is arguably the hottest-looking man in Hollywood, so to compare anyone to him means that you’d automatically lose, but no one said life was fair. In fact, I seem to recall a sparkly vampire that told us the opposite, in 2008…
Anywho, now that we tackled that great debate, we can finally turn our attention to more pressing matters. Expect a hard-hitting discussion on what era John Travolta was the foxiest at a later date of my choosing and yes, obviously Broken Arrow is going to feature heavily in that debate.
I bid you goodnight, sirs, madams, and werewolves amongst us.
Image sources (in order of posting): Getty, Warner Bros./YouTube, Universal Pictures/Youtube, STXFilms