It’s a truth universally acknowledged that almost any dude can become instantly sexier by growing a beard. We even had an entire argument about which Chris looked the best with that extra layer of facial fuzz (I think we decided on Evans but such democratic decisions cannot be confirmed until I say so).
We don’t tend to apply that same rigour to moustaches. Those are much harder to pull off. Even the best looking dudes can see their aesthetic appeal drop significantly once that top lip is appropriately shielded with hair. There are obvious exceptions, and that brings us to the delightful case of Henry Cavill.
Make no mistake, Cavill is an exceptionally handsome man under any circumstances. There’s a reason he’s Superman, even if it has nothing to do with his acting abilities. That face just radiates old-school movie-star charm, especially when it’s clean-cut and his hair is slicked back. Everything going on in Best Movie Ever The Man From UNCLE is proof of that. But then he grew a moustache, and a new Cavill was born.
What was so wonderful about Cavill’s moustache was that he seemed to genuinely love having it. He dedicated Instagram posts to it, he lovingly talked about it like it was his BFF, and he wore it oh so well. It even made him seem more charismatic and interesting. Never before has a moustache had such power in Hollywood, and the sheer ego of Paramount forcing Warner Bros. to digitally remove it from his face for Justice League reshoots is a level of pettiness I hope to achieve one day.
But nothing lasts forever, and Henry Cavill’s moustache died so that Chris Evans’s could live.
Evans is currently appearing on Broadway in Lobby Hero, and his reviews have been strong. But let’s be honest, you’ve mostly been concerned with that pornstache he’s rocking for the part. He’s somewhere between Magnum PI and that one dude in your local bar who always has stories about the time he was in ‘Nam.
Chris Evans with moustache looks like he wants pictures of Spiderman on his desk by noon: pic.twitter.com/ufrqyUaGeV— Persian Rose (@PersianRose1) March 29, 2018
Is it a good look for him? Eh… I’m gonna say no? The haircut bothers me almost as much as the moustache. It looks like he could balance a spirit level on it. However, I cannot deny that it is a damn fine moustache. He’s clearly looking after it, treating it good, putting all those oils in it, not letting anyone muss it up when they go in for a kiss. There’s a moustache you could set your watch to.
So let’s do this democratically - who has the better moustache? This isn’t about who looks best with the moustache because it’s obviously Cavill - if you want to mount a case for the other, go for it - but more about how one cultivates said ‘stache.
(All photographs from Getty Images)