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Madonna Takes A Bow But Has Trouble Taking A Seat

By Mieka Strawhorn | Celebrity | January 3, 2019 |

By Mieka Strawhorn | Celebrity | January 3, 2019 |


Something strange is afoot with Madonna’s butt. Madonna was named the ambassador for the 50th anniversary celebration of The Stonewall Inn, and on New Year’s Eve, she made a surprise appearance. And her butt had a surprising appearance. Madonna gave a speech and performed “Can’t Help Falling In Love” with her adorable 13-year-old son David Banda in front of a packed crowd. But the venue wasn’t the only thing that appeared to be packed. The backside of Madonna’s jeans were packed tighter than a Tokyo subway at rush hour.

Naturally, people were curious. We’ve all seen Madonna’s ass plenty of times before. It seems weird we wouldn’t have noticed two juicy Easter hams bobbing up and down when she was in all that Blonde Ambition lingerie. Back then, she made the Cone Bra her iconic contribution to society. Now I guess she’s trying to get the Saggy Diaper Butt into The Smithsonian. I guess if anybody could do it, it would be Madonna.

This isn’t the first time she’s teased an over-proofed biscuit recipe. Back in 2016 she twerked on stage next to Ariana Grande at Art Basel in Miami and showed what can happen if you overinflate your fishnet-tread tires.

I have to assume Madonna is a fan of occasional butt padding. Madonna is extremely wealthy. If she had butt implants, she would have had it done correctly and not just paid some quack to slap a sweet potato up against her coccyx. And I also doubt it’s a Brazilian butt lift either (that’s where they suck the fat out of your abdomen or thighs and inject it into your ass) because she would have had to get a fat donor, and while I’m sure she could afford it, that person would be doing a Reddit AMA as we speak.

Besides, if Madonna had a big fake ass installed, would she be doing this the very next day?

Madonna likes to have fun with fashion and has always played around with youthful trends. Sadly, right now the trend is ridiculous man-made asses. It’s not a great message to be sending to our young people, but being a role model has never been Madonna’s goal or responsibility. And guess what - she don’t curr.

Madonna’s gonna do Madonna. As many others have tried and failed. So if Madonna has a big ole’ badunkadunk this year, we should just accept it and pray some generous drag queen shows her how to tighten up her padding technique.

Mieka is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.

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