Oh little Tay Tay. I can’t even say that I only trust you as far as I can throw you because if I tried to throw you, you’d just spout glittery lavender wings that smell of bergamot and fly away, but I have no idea what you’re up to right now.
Twenty-two days ago, Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston broke up. But then more important people broke up and things were quiet. But now that the nuclear Brangelina fallout has cleared, from their ashes a Phoenix rises—the Phoenix known as Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris’s love.
Sources close to the former couple tell TMZ … shortly after Taylor and Tom Hiddleston broke up, Taylor and Calvin started texting and put an end to their drama.
It’s unclear who hit send first, but here’s what we do know — we’re told this is NOT a rekindling of the old fire. Also, they have NOT spoken on the phone or seen each other in person. It’s strictly text, but it’s been enough to erase the resentment that exploded after the June breakup … and that mess about who wrote “This Is What You Came For.”
Forget every other breakup mentioned in this post—I just need TMZ to break up with the goddamn ellipses already. IT’S TOXIC, GIRL.
So, this is your standard InTouch/Star Magazine nonsense. A famous couple breaks up so the exes are texting again, it’s your go-to thing to write when nothing else is happening. But this is TMZ. They are evil incarnate BUT they have good intel. So someone wants us to know Taylor and Calvin are texting again. Just like someone wanted us to see Taylor and Tom playing in the goddamn sand like the beginning of Grease.
I had a theory throughout the Hiddle-run that this relationship was being played up to make Harris jealous. Which is ridiculous and quite akin to wasting a delicious patisserie cake by using it to make a store-brand sandwich cookie jealous. But they had a very ugly breakup, complete with songwriting credit angst and Instagram deletions (that’s how you know shit is serious) so it’s still my chosen angle and the only thing that explains the tragic performance art that was Hiddleswift.
She’s up to something. THAT TAYLOR IS ALWAYS UP TO SOMETHING.
I just listened to a You Must Remember This about Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, and she compared Crawford to Swift and Davis to Kanye West, and I died. I’m writing this from the grave. But we need Kim and Kanye to get to the bottom of this at once. HIT RECORD, KIMMY.
Because otherwise we’re stuck waiting for her children’s tell-all, and, dammit, Tina, bring her the axe!