No, that’s not a typo—I didn’t mean to type space pants. We all know what everyone thinks about space pants, hell, there’s even been a song written about it!
Carrot pants. We’re here to talk about carrot pants, specifically Jennifer Garner’s.
Oh, what are carrot pants you ask? (Don’t act like you know, unless you are Jennifer Garner, which in that case I’d like to officially request that you make better choices, specifically in relation to never making a movie like Peppermint again, please and thank you.)
No, carrot pants, which Garner grew herself, are exactly what you’re thinking.
If you were thinking that, you’d be wrong. It’s this:
Carrot pants. Although as a carrot pants enthusiast, it makes me sad that Jennifer Garner thought the world would only be interested in her carrot pants because 41 million people liked a picture of an egg on Instagram (and yet only 2 people liked my video of me doing the macarena, crying with mascara running down my face, while eating ice cream. Just goes to show that 41 million people don’t know art when they see it.)
So there’s an obvious question that’s raised after you see carrot pants in all its glory—and it’s not “What’s your Instagram handle, Kate?” no. It’s “What does Ben Affleck think about this?”
Of course I had to get to the bottom of it.
Here’s what we know. Ben Affleck, for whatever reason, loves him some Jack in the Box. It’s an irrefutable truth. So obviously the first step would be to the Jack in the Box menu, to see if they ever use carrots in their cuisine. You’ll imagine my surprise when the answer is yes! Four dishes have carrots: the side salad, the chicken teriyaki bowl, the grilled chicken salad, and the egg rolls. However, save for the egg rolls, who really orders the other three at Jack in the Box? We know its all about their inexplicably delicious tacos, and occasionally the spicy chicken sandwich. Basically what I’m saying is, this was a dead end.
I was just about to call in a favor and beckon my spirit guide to enter this realm from the plane they usually exist on, when I had a stroke of genius: I’d Google “Ben Affleck Carrots.”
I hope by now you know exactly where this is leading…
In 2013, People.com (of course) published this hard-hitting article: Veg Out: Ben Affleck Loves These Crunchy Maple Carrots. It’s all so obvious—clearly we know what Ben Affleck thinks about Jen Garner’s carrot pants. Mainly that he would love to see them slathered in maple.
Rest easy tonight, friends, for the mystery is solved. Until next time…
Header Image Source: Getty