What Does Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston Have to Do with the USA Women’s World Cup Team?

Friends, like many of you, I’m stoked the US women’s team won the World Cup yesterday. Also, like probably many of you, I don’t really follow soccer (or football, if you’re nasty) that closely outside of Olympics/World Cup, so if you’re looking for a recap of what happened yesterday, please go read Lord Castleton’s excellent post.

No, I’m here because I am #blessed to follow Pablo Maurer on Twitter, who does know a lot about soccer, and posted one of the most “WTF” things I’ve ever seen, and I once saw two ducks going at it, so it’s not like I haven’t gotten out there. I’ve lived, friends, and still…I have no idea what to make of this.

LOL at @brfootball. I follow the same rule in regards to deleting tweets that I follow about dropped food: if you can get to it in the first five seconds, it's allowed. If it takes you longer, just leave it there. Here, I'll do it for you. pic.twitter.com/csa4Y8ZWHq

— Pablo Maurer (@MLSist) July 7, 2019

So, while I didn’t see the original tweet from Bleacher Report, it appears they tweeted out the above image in celebration of the Team USA winning the final in the World Cup yesterday. Then they took it down. Both decisions are odd.

Now, I’m going to set your expectations right now. I have no idea what this is. I’m not going to take you on a journey that involves secret societies, mole people, and ultimately drop you off at the destination of “international time traveling conspiracy” as you expect. I pride myself on having all the answers here at Pajiba, but today, I’m stumped. All I have are questions. They include:

Why is the cast of Friends in that picture?

Follow up question: Why is the cast of Friends’ images clearly from different seasons? We have a season 1 Monica and Joey (and possibly Phoebe) and a clearly later-era Ross and Rachel.

Why are the two ladies named Jennifer next to each other?

Did the artist know what they were doing when they included Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie in this image? Is there a hidden message in that? Is there a message in any of this?!

Why is there only one kid from the core group of Stranger Things, and why is he next to Steve Carell?

Why is LeBron in uniform, but Kobe isn’t?

Was it intentional to put Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as far away as possible from each other on this collage? …Why were either necessary to this collage?

What is the thought process of sandwiching Iron Man in-between Will Smith and Top Gun-era Tom Cruise? (Or is it Will Smith and Maverick? I can’t tell. Can any of us tell?!)

Why is only Iron Man in a mask? Does this mean the artist thinks Iron Man is real?

Why is Brie Larson as Captain America there, a clearly 2019 reference, yet the 2/3 the cast of Friends looks like they’re straight out of 1994?

Can someone walk me through the thought process of Taylor Swift (next to Will Ferrell) being included in a celebratory collage for the US women’s team?

Why is Andy Samberg a row closer to the front than Serena Williams? Surely Serena is more relevant to this image than Samberg?

Is that Devon Sawa next to Jay Z?

Why is blond Zac Efron in the middle of the collage? Everyone knows blonde Zefron is the worst Zefron!

Why was only some of the cast of Modern Family included?

Why are any of the cast of Modern Family included?

Where is the team’s coach? Surely she had something to do with it? More than *gestures wildly* any of these other people!?

via GIPHY

Ultimately though, what I really want to know is, why did the Bleacher Report take down this magical image to begin with? It’s so delightfully inexplicable that it either belongs in a dumpster, or the best art museum in the world (my friend Lenny’s garage, for instance.)

Furthermore, if I have one wish in this crazy, mixed-up world of ours, it’s that I’d like to know who the artist is. Not only because we at Pajiba like to credit artists for their work, but also I’d like to personally take said artist out for a drink because I think s*it would get real weird, real fast. That means they’re my kind of person.

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I tried to come up with the reasoning myself, which is that these pop culture icons (I use that word loosely) each represent the year the women’s team won gold, but, no, because Simone Biles is there and she’s a 2016 phenomenon.

Like I said in the beginning of this, there are no answers here, friends, only questions. I warn you—the moment you start questioning any of this, only more questions arise. Just when you think you’ve figured out the pattern to it all, Ellen DeGeneres is there in a blazer, two rows in front of Miley Cyrus, and your whole theory falls apart.

The only thing I know for certain is that the USA women’s team got it done, and maybe, perhaps, Carrie Underwood and possibly Oprah got together for a viewing party with their celebrity friends to watch it…? I don’t know. Your guess is as good as mine here. My brain is broken. You’re on your own.

via GIPHY