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What did Angelina Jolie and Her Kids Just Escape From ( Other than Jon Voight)?

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | May 30, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | May 30, 2019 |


Hey, want to feel old. Like, really, really old? Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s daughter, Shiloh, just turned 13 years old. Yup. That’s right. 2006 was 13 years ago, and we don’t even need to get into how long ago the ’90s were (although it was agreed on Pajiba Slack earlier today that 1990 is always 10 year ago, as it has been, for almost 20 years now.)

Anyway, I bring this up not because I like to use celebrity children we all remember being born to remind you of your own mortality. No, friend, I feel like you can do that on your own. I bring it up because honestly Angelina Jolie sounds like a rad mom.

I’ll explain.

To celebrate Shiloh’s birthday, she took all of her kids to an escape room with live actors. This sounds pretty run of the mill, but according to People, the escape room’s theme was all kinds of f*cked up (I mean, that’s my editorializing, not theirs) because its whole storyline was that you have 45 minutes to escape a crazy person who went bananas after his mother’s death and in order to cope with it, took to taxidermying animals, and now he wants to try his skillset on long pig.

Ok, so first off, that concept both intrigues and terrifies me.

Second off, Angelina has enough kids to do an escape room with, and that’s pretty cool. (OK, sure, according to People, other kids were there, but the point stands. There’s six of them. That’s enough for an escape room, dammit.)

Finally, her kids range in age from 17 to 10, and they all participated in it.

Friends, I am 34 years old and I’m all but certain after 5 minutes in that escape room (remember, there are actors in it, presumably saying and doing creepy s*it) I would be cowering in a corner crying. Yet her twin 10-year olds willingly participated. Those kids are cool. At least cooler than me (that’s not a very high bar to exceed, let’s be honest.)

Anyway, you may think this was just to celebrate Shiloh’s birthday, and I’m sure that it largely in part was, but I also like to think that it was a thinly veiled message to their weird, racist grandpa, Jon Voight.

See, he recently put out some truly stupid videos about how we all need to support Trump, and what a great president he is, blah blah blah. I mean that’s at least what the summaries I barely paid attention to said because I refused to watch since those videos don’t involve Nic Cage on a plane full of convicts.

Now, I vaguely remember what it was like to be 13, and I definitely remember it was when I started caring about politics—so, it is my own personal hope that Shiloh picked this activity, and storyline, as a thinly veiled message to her stupid, racist supporting (because all Trump supporters are that, in the very least) Grandpa that if she can escape a crazy, human-flesh obsessed taxidermist dodging his republican rhetoric is a nothing burger to her and her siblings. Additionally, Jon Voight was clearly not invited to the party, so that omission speaks volumes, too. Suck it, grandpa!

Ultimately though, what we really learned here, is nothing. Nothing at all. To celebrate that here’s my favorite YouTube video of all time, a lazy sloth eating.

Kate is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.

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