Every once and awhile I wake up in a cold sweat from a dead sleep in the middle of the night and I know something is wrong. It’s not like the usual night terrors where I see shadow people observing me, dispassionately. No, this is something different. This is the resolute knowledge that I can never be as cool as Patrick Swayze was as Dalton, in the classic (yes, it’s a classic, I dare you to try to prove otherwise) movie Road House.
Right boot, indeed.
Here’s the thing about Road House: sure, it goes on a little too long, and what happens to Sam Elliott is a crying shame—but Dalton is the most zen-est mother*cker to ever walk the face of this planet, and I think about his classic “three rules” speech a lot. Like, a lot, a lot.
Here it is in case you need a refresher:
In life, when a man with a hairstyle that could be generously described as “feathered mullet” gives you three rules to live by, they almost are always going to include him trying to entice you into the back of his van with some poorly airbrushed art on the side to drink some wine coolers and watch him air drum to Rush before he tries some funny business, but not here. Not here, friends. No.
Here, you can trust a feathered mulleted man’s wisdom, because it’s coming from Patrick Swayze, and he has your best interest at heart.
Dalton may not be Swayze’s most celebrated character, but he is by far and away, his coolest. Alas, I will never be as cool as he is, but at least I’ll have Road House, which is forever, my regular Saturday-night thing.
Header Image Source: MGM/YouTube