If you don't like people on Twitter talking about how much they want to fuck Pennywise The Clown, expect your MUTE button to get one hell of a workout when the new trailer for #ItChapter2 drops tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/IiXSJACNOG— hellresidentNY (@hellresidentNY) May 9, 2019
…is this a thing? Do people really want to f*ck Pennywise?
I know, I know, this is pretty rich coming from the chick who is open about wanting to bone the Night King. But, again, I’m intrigued about him because I think he’d be really, really good at it. Not because I have a thing for dudes with fancy face-horns (and so what if I do, and this is all ruse to distract you from that?!)
Pennywise though? Him? Really?
OK. So, first off, you should never bone a clown because they just might turn out to be John Wayne Gacy. That’s just science.
Furthermore, I was once at a party in LA, and this guy was there in full clown makeup (no one else was.) Only it was hot and muggy, so I s*it you not, his prosthetics were peeling, his face paint was dripping, and his clown nose kept falling off. It was truly horrifying, and not in a way that is fun. As a result, I have a thing about clown sex. Specifically that I’m fully against it. Not that I wasn’t before, but it’s truly a door that I believe should be shut from now, until forever more.
“But Kate,” you’ll say. “Pennywise wasn’t just a clown! It’s a shapeshifter! It can be anything!”
And I admit, that’s a different ballgame we’re talking here. I get wanting to be with a shapeshifter because one minute you’ll be with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and the next with Gritty the mascot. I get it, I get it.
But never clowns, friend. Never.
Also, and I could be wrong here, but I get the distinct impression that Pennywise isn’t into anyone like that, you know what I’m saying? Like, I don’t see where, in all of that bloodlust and murderin’, that they would have time for anything else but bloodlust and murderin’. Psychological torture is a full-time job, friends. There’s not much of a work/life/bone balance in that racket.
So…if, after this brief explainer why you probably shouldn’t, you still would?
I mean, whatever floats your boat. I’ll just leave you with one final question: do you feel this way about Tim Curry’s Pennywise, or only that non-Alexander Skarsgard’s Pennywise? Because if it’s both, then you deffo want to do Pennywise and it’s not my intention to hold you back any longer from your dreams.
However, if it’s just Skarsgard’s … well, friend, he was also in Atomic Blonde and Deadpool 2, so, uh … maybe you might want to try the thirst without the clown makeup?
And if you’re only specifically attracted to him in the clown makeup? Well, I can give you the address of that house where the clown was at that party, and maybe you can meet the man of your dreams there. Just, please, don’t invite me to your wedding. I really don’t like clowns.
Header Image Source: Newline Cinema/YouTube