When news broke last week that Tom Sandoval had been linked to model Victoria Lee Robinson—a former flame of Leonardo DiCaprio—I didn’t care. I, like you I’m sure, would love to never think about the man again outside of the one hour per week his show is airing, during which time I curse the day he was born and try to stop myself from puking.
But then he went on Nick Viall’s podcast and had a narcissistic breakdown, and I realized something: He’s getting stronger. He’s an incubus; he seduces young, unsuspecting women, steals their joie de vivre and vitality, then kicks them to the curb, slandering their good names as he runs for the hills with cries of “she belittled me!” and “she wouldn’t have sex with me for a year!” That’s why he looks younger than his 41 years; he’s absorbing all of their retinol treatments and botox through osmosis. His victims either end up in an Arizona mental health facility or trapped in sandwich shop purgatory, and he gets to keep singing covers while playing the bongos for cheering crowds.
And now this model, ten years his junior—whose Instagram account is mysteriously private, probably because she’s already receiving hate for being associated with him—is his next victim.
Sandoval went on his bestie and former Vanderpump Rules costar Billie Lee’s new podcast (the speculation as to why Lee has hitched herself so firmly to Sandoval’s wagon is fodder for another day) “Bille Lee and the Kid,” and when asked what his “addiction of the week” was he answered, “My friend Victoria that I’ve been hanging out with.”
“She’s super awesome she’s one of the sweetest people … I’ve known her for a super long time. We went on our first date last night. It was awesome. It was very adventurous, a little crazy.”
He said he especially admired her work ethic and humility, two traits he will no doubt ruin with time. Lee then explained that the flowers on the table next to Sandoval were a gift from Robinson after her car was broken into.
“That shit turns me on so much, like, sweet, nice people like that,” Sandoval said. “We both do weird stuff like that…we’re both like, kind of, like, spontaneous, adventurous, we push it to the max sometimes.”
Yes, weird, adventurous stuff like giving people flowers. How will they push it to the max next?