There Are Many People to Be Mad At This Week, The Rock Probably Isn’t One of Them
People are mad at The Rock for this Instagram post he made this week…
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TBT in our beloved Florida Everglades where I tamed Big Bertha — the legendary swampland gator responsible for biting off 7 human arms, 47 toes, 12 truck bumpers and 1 leather fanny pack. My interpretation of “fun” has always been slightly debatable. Now kindly hold my tequila tea, I gotta gator to wrassle 😈💪🏾
He’s in hot water for two reasons:
1) The way he’s holding the gator’s mouth shut.
2) He made a joke about gator wrasslin’.
Where to begin? First off, we’re not sure if this is in fact a real alligator, or an evil wizard who angered a local community a hundred years ago and was cursed to become an alligator until he could atone for his wrong doings. Do you know how many wizards are in that situation? Literally hundreds—you never know what you’re dealing with in the swamplands.
Would an alligator deserve this treatment? No, probably not. I’m a specialist of many things, unfortunately gators are not one of them, but it doesn’t look like the gator would willingly put itself in this situation.
Would Glazgorg the Destroyer? Friends, if you knew what he did to that fishing village, you would pray The Rock did much more than clamp down on his snout, because he is evil incarnate.
Let’s settle the first point as a grey area, because again, we’re not entirely sure that is an alligator.
On to the second point—gator wrasslin’.
I’m a firm believer that nature is at best indifferent to your individual survival. If you’re dumb enough to want to wrassle a huge gator (which again, may or may not be a mystical wizard with an ungodly amount of power and an insatiable desire to see the world burn…) you have to accept the cards that you’re dealt if the gator gets the upper-hand.
Now, hypothetically speaking, let’s say this isn’t Glazgorg, and is a real live, huge alligator that has, if the caption is to be believed, bitten off seven human arms. It seems like it would be an evenly matched bout if it was a true wrestling match… but who would have the upper hand?
The Rock or Bertha?
I learned long ago to never bet against The Rock, but I can’t help but feel Bertha would be able to handle herself here. This is all really dumb, even for me, because it’s clear The Rock has no intention of gator wrasslin’. This is most likely because he is a highly bankable movie star, and I guarantee you he has a “no gator wrasslin’” clause in his employment and insurance contracts, due to the highly unfortunate Gary Busey incident in 1993, when it became standard in all above the line contracts for movie stars. Why would he put millions at risk just to wrassle a gator, especially if not’s a magical gator that once beaten, must tell you where the fabled Jojo, the Angry Pirate Captain’s treasure is hidden? That doesn’t make any sense!
So, we can (potentially) be irritated at him for treating a gator like a prop and not a sentient living creature in the picture; and sure, you can be angry at him for his dumb joke…but why?
If you are still angry at him…you do you, I don’t know your history with The Rock. That bad blood could run deep for many reasons unrelated to alligators… but watch him sing happy birthday to his 6-month old on her half birthday, and tell me if you still see red there.
Oh, you do? Ok. Well, you’re on a journey I can’t help you with. I only hope that this feud doesn’t span generations, and doesn’t involve any more alligators. Good luck friend, you’ll need it against The Rock.
Header Image Source: Getty
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