The Taylor Swift/Jake Gyllenhaal Gossip Conspiracy

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | January 14, 2015 |

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | January 14, 2015 |

If I’m killed for writing this, avenge me. AVENGE ME!

After Sunday’s Golden Globes, Us Weekly reported that Taylor Swift had a bathroom meltdown (the crying kind; not the too much Thai food kind) over Jake Gyllenhaal, who was having a baller time with his sister. The story went that Taylor repeated “we have to go, we have to go” and went into the bathroom with all her girls and had to be comforted by Cara Delevingne. She was then seen in the lobby with messed up eye makeup waiting for her friends.

Like, we’ve been there. Who hasn’t gotten all drunk and stupid and cried over an ex in public? It’s super embarrassing, but we’ve all done it. I’ve done it. A few times.

So then why would Swift, who wants us to believe she’s so real and normal and natural (as real and normal and natural as a human tube of glitter lipgloss can be anyway), kill the story?

You’ll notice there’s no link in the paragraph above describing Us Weekly’s story. As LaineyGossip has uncovered, that’s because Us Weekly changed the story the next day. It used to be all tears and meltdowns and smudged eyeliner. Now…

A second eyewitness tells Us that upon spotting each other, they were actually completely cordial. “Taylor and her friends arrived at the Chateau Marmont just before 2 a.m. and Jake was there in the lobby. He was leaving as she was coming in. Taylor ran up and gave him a big hug and they caught up,” the eyewitness tells Us. “They were smiling and looked like any old friends catching up.”

A third eyewitness confirms the exes encounter was indeed friendly. “Taylor said ‘Hi,’ and he said ‘Hello’ back and smiled,” the insider tells Us.

He said hello back…and to the left. Because there is a conspiracy afoot, people. And I may already be in too deep.

I can confirm that Swift and her team are…sensitive to her image. They have a great deal of control and exercise that control. But with something like this? It seems so small. And honestly like every single one of her songs in award party form.

So, what happened? Is the original story true? Or was it such a vicious lie that it had to be snuffed out at once? And why?

There are questions they don’t want us asking. I will now go into hiding for several days. DON’T LOOK FOR ME. That’s what she wants.