The New Year is approaching, and people are going to start thinking about diets and stuff, and let me just say before we go any further: You look great. You all look great. I love you just the way you are. If you want to lose a couple of pounds in the New Year for health reasons, we’re OK with that because we want to keep you around as long as possible, but you don’t need to for aesthetic reasons. You are perfect just like you are.
If you do wanna try to shed a few, I’ll tell you my secret, and then I’ll tell you Jimmy Kimmel’s. I’m a very vain person (I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING MY GAY DAD), but I also like food and I hate exercise and I work from home. As such, I’ve fallen into a pattern. Every year in the winter, I put on about 15 pounds, and then I go to Austin for SXSW and feel like a slug, and every April, I spend 5 months taking all that weight off. Some years it’s the gym. Two years ago, it was biking 1500 miles over the course of the summer. Last year was the easiest: I cut out breakfast and switched to smoothies for lunch, and I took the dog on hour-long walks every night. Every single day. It worked. It was fairly easy, and I still drink that shake every day, but it’s December now, and those shakes are much bigger than they used to be and contain more peanut butter than they should. When April rolls around, I’m sure I’ll have to hatch a new plan to take off the weight.
I like Jimmy Kimmel’s diet, because its laziness speaks to me. I have found in the years that I’ve been putting it on and taking it off that eating less works a lot quicker than exercise (some studies suggest that if you exercise a lot, your mind tells you it’s OK to eat more, and I have found that to be the case). Kimmel’s plan is a breeze, as he writes in Men’s Journal.
My new thing — something I’ve been doing for a couple of years now, actually — is starving myself two days a week. People call it the 5:2 diet, but I’ve been doing it since before it had a name. On Monday and Thursday, I eat fewer than 500 calories a day, then I eat like a pig for the other five days. You “surprise” the body, keep it guessing. I got the idea from a BBC documentary about this Indian man who seemed about 138 years old, and said his secret was severe calorie restriction. Some people have a photo of Daniel Craig or Hugh Jackman pinned up on the fridge for inspiration. I have Gandhi.
As for exercise? He doesn’t.
Two grumpy days a week and no exercise. That’s easy! If you keep busy enough and drink enough coffee, you’ll never even notice.
Source: Men’s Journal