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The 5 Douchiest Quotes in Miles Teller's Heinous 'Esquire' Interview

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | August 5, 2015 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | August 5, 2015 |

Up until about 10 minutes ago, when I read his Esquire interview, I was a huge fan of Miles Teller. I loved him in Spectacular Now and Whiplash, and I thought he was the only redeeming part of a series of very bad comedies, like Project X and That Awkward Moment and 21 & Over.

I just assumed that he’s a jackass in many of his movies because that’s the way the roles were written. Maybe not. After reading his Esquire interview, this generation’s John Cusack is beginning to sound like the asshole we once thought John Cusack was.

Here’s the 5 Douchiest quotes from that interview.

1. He makes jokes about his dick.

You’ve just told him, by way of making conversation, that according to legend the champagne coupe in your hand is shaped like Marie Antoinette’s left breast, and he tells you the highball glass is modeled after his cock. Then he tells the waitress the same thing.

2. He thinks he’s better looking than people give him credit for, as if that fucking matters

After the waitress leaves, shrugging off his comment about the highball glass, you ask him about his hair. He’s brought up how nice it is in more than one interview. It’s a little defensive, like maybe he’s making up for not being the best-looking, or sometimes even the third-best-looking, guy in any given movie he’s in. “I was thinking about that today, how I probably think I’m better-looking than the public thinks I am,” he says with a laugh, like it’s funny that he’s willed himself into a higher tier of male beauty through limitless confidence.

3. He dates the kind of woman that permanently monograms her ass with his initials

He’s appealingly attainable, a good-looking guy who shouldn’t know he’s good-looking, who should believe the commenters, except that he dates a twenty-two-year-old model/aspiring swimsuit designer/professional girlfriend who thinks Teller is attractive enough to have permanently monogrammed her perfect ass with his initials.

4. He asks his interviewer, Anne Peele, to cut his meat for him. That’s not a metaphor.

The waitress delivers the entrées, scallops for him and pork belly for you. The pork looks great and you offer him some. “I’ll take a little bit,” he says, sawing at it. Then: “I can’t cut this.” You have to cut his meat for him, a man who ten minutes earlier showed you an iPhone photo of his back muscles to prove how strong he is. He wants you to cut it small.

5. Ha! Rape joke!

He orders you an Uber. you tell him about some recent sexual-assault accusations leveled at the company’s drivers, so he tells you he’s requesting “Do not rape” service.”

Bonus: He really likes to smoke pot

“I used to get this milk tea in college at the Asian market M2M when I was high,” he says, as if you’re supposed to know what milk tea is. “It was five bucks. Me and my buddies prided ourselves. We were like, ‘Nobody smokes this much pot. I guarantee you can ask anyone in this dorm, man… we smoke a lot.’ I didn’t do a single play when I was in college, because all I wanted to do was smoke pot. I did zero extracurricular activities so I could get high.

I wonder if he’ll walk back these comments faster than he walked back those comments about the Divergent franchise.

Update: Teller suggests that the interviewer misrepresented him.

Source: Esquire

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.