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Talent? Skill? A Kardashian Craves Not These Things

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | March 3, 2011 |

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | March 3, 2011 |

Well this was bound to happen at some point.

Every time we as a nation get a “sensation”—that all-baffling individual who for reasons unbeknownst to those of us with semi-functional brainstems—it is inevitable that this sensation person will make some attempt to earn said sensation. One would think this to be respectable. After all, we loathe their general lack of purpose; why should we begrudge them their chance to be worthwhile? But, alas, one would be wrong. Because it is always, always, a terrible failure.

The most recent failure? The debut song of one Kimberly Noel Kardashian. Listen. Have cotton balls with a decent ability to soak up earblood on-hand.

Here’s the thing: Kim Kardashian and her brethren are easy targets, mostly due to their complete absence of point. Anyone with even a passing knowledge of celebrity and fame knows that “point” doesn’t matter. Anyone can be famous for any reason (or lack thereof). So that’s not really what’s wrong with her. The problem is, god fucking dammit, bitch is DULL. Have you ever watched their show? I have on more than one occasion been too lazy to change the channel after The Soup and have seen more of the Kardashian series than I care to admit and, yes, not a single thing happens, but that’s par for reality television series of this nature, but the larger issue at hand is that I fear she’s actually dead. Literally. Either dead or a cyborg. I am not sure of which yet.

For those of you too afraid to click play on the video, what I’ve done with this little aside is explain the voice you would be hearing were you braver. For it is the voice of death robots.

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