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Shia LaBeouf Needs to Calm the F*ck Right Down

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | January 2, 2014 |

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | January 2, 2014 |

Such beefy dramz, guys.

Backstory: Shia LaBeouf is insufferable.

Extended backstory: Shia LaBeouf, who is insufferable, recently completely ganked the work of Daniel Clowes for a short film he “wrote” without credit. He then apologized with a similarly plagiarized tweet, then fell into a rabbit hole of plagiarism, a plagiapallooza or plagiapocalypse if you will, which did little to soften the backlash against him. For, you see, he is insufferable.

Like the cool kids do, Beefsticks spent his New Year’s Eve tweeting plagiarized apology after plagiarized apology, “ironically” (insufferably) copying sorries from Rob Ford, Blake Shelton and Lars von Trier, among others. He also hired a skywriter to apologize to Daniel Clowes IN THE SKY like an insufferable person would. Because insufferable.

The two-week jump from Getting Caught to Empty Apology to OMG HAVEN’T I APOLOGIZED ENOUGH, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME, GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD is one of those things that insufferable people do, reminiscent of your Charlie Sheenses, Chris Brownses and other functional psychopaths. Because, with your famous insufferables, no matter what they did wrong, it is they who are the victims. They did something wrong, they are criticized for the wrongdoing, they are VICTIMS who need HUGS and probably A SERIES OF MEDICATIONS AND EXTENSIVE THERAPIES. Shia LaBeouf stole from someone, so rather than just personally reach out to the guy, take his lumps and call it a day, he writes it in the sky, which, as passive-aggressively whiny gestures go is a most impressively passive aggressive and whiny one, and tweets obsessively as though he is in on the joke and laughing at us. Cool. Laugh at us all you want. You still fucked up you insufferable twat.

Child stars can be the worst. But child stars who grow up to think themselves artists? UGH. The actual insufferable worst.

UPDATE: Several of you have directed me to my new favorite thing, Boofy’s interview with Bleeding Cool. OH THE ART OF IT ALL. My favorite passage:

RJ: Well, Warhol said art is what you can get away with. Gaugin went for “Art is either plagiarism or revolution”. Do you believe that opportunity is still valid, or is it all about plagiarism now?

As for “it wants to be fee” - is that a Freudian slip? Information may want to be free. But should the author be able to demand a fee?

SL: Authorship is censorship
Should God sue me if I paint a river?
Should we give people the death sentence for parking violations-
You’ll not only have less parking violations but less DRIVERS.

God called. *hands over lawsuit* YOU’VE BEEN SERVED. For douching in the third degree.

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