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Today in 'Who the F*ck Asked For This' News?

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Celebrity | March 20, 2018 |

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Celebrity | March 20, 2018 |

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Who asked for this?

Did literally anyone ask for this?

Sean fucking Penn — the Oscar nominated actor who takes himself more seriously than literally every living organism on this crumbling planet — is publishing a novel. Atria Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, a real life-publisher, is releasing this. I almost miss the Team America days because you know this would have made an amazing episode of South Park when Parker and Stone were at their prime. Remember how mad that Sean Penn puppet made Penn? A fucking puppet!

So this is definitely the dude you trust to write satire, yes?

Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff — I mean you’ve already lost me on the title, Sean — tells the story of ‘a modern American man, entrepreneur and contract killer who sells septic tanks to Jehovah’s Witnesses and arranges pyrotechnic displays for foreign dictators.’ The novel is said to be as unsubtle as one can get in its take on Donald Trump, a President with a Twitter obsession and universal hatred of women. Honey also has encounters with an El Chapo style drug lord, harkening back to the time Sean Penn literally met El Chapo like he was some rockstar or something.

According to Deadline, ‘The book is also understood to feature a poem in which the protagonist calls the #MeToo movement “an infantilising term of the day.” “Is this a toddlers’ crusade? Reducing rape, slut-shaming and suffrage to reckless child’s play? A platform for accusation impunity? Due process has lost its sheen?.”’

Hey, remember what Senn Penn allegedly did to Madonna? Remember when Sean Penn literally went to jail for punching an extra of the set of one of his movies?

Penn is basically the smug liberal Hollywood elitist stereotype Fox News imagines the entire industry to be. He’s devastatingly thin-skinned, can’t deal with an iota of mockery and truly seems to think he’s a messianic figure for the tired and crushed masses. The idea of him writing a Hunter S. Thompson style gonzo satirical novel would be comical if Penn was capable of laughter. As it is, I think I’ll pass on this one, Sean.

(Header photograph from Getty Images)

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Kayleigh is a features writer for Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter or listen to her podcast, The Hollywood Read.