At the risk of over-Cruising you this week, after
much about three seconds, I realized we could not make it through this Friday without this sharing this HUGE news. Even for something Scientology-related, it’s so utterly bizarre, I almost have no words. Well, except for these: Does Tom Cruise know his package is on display?
I mean, he’s Tom Cruise; he has to know. Right?
The story — you want to know the story. Here we go: In celebration of Tom’s 25 years with Scientology, a “pop-up Church” (who knew?) has been erected in Clearwater, Florida. Inside that location is artist Daniel Edwards’ interesting depiction of Cruise - a shroud “modeled on the Shroud of Turin” that features the actor utterly naked:
You may have noticed that ChristCruise’s, uh, impressive package seems to be…highlighted. What exactly is Edwards trying to intimate here? Is it (CruseCock™) a god? Has it evolved? CAN SCIENTOLOGY MAKE YOUR DICK GROW? Because if that’s a thing, I’m guessing a whole lotta people just ran to the nearest pop-up facility to be audited and go clear and OMG, I wonder if that’s what the E-Meter is for? (Erect? Evolutionary? Even-BIgger!)
More importantly, WWCD (What Will Cruise Do)? The official word from Camp Scientology is that “The Church has nothing to do with this publicity stunt, and any claim to the contrary is false.” (via THR) If I were you, Mr. Edwards, I’d start running now.