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Scandal-ranking Gwyneth Paltrow's One-Woman War Against Vanity Fair

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | November 5, 2013 |

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | November 5, 2013 |

As you may have heard by now, Gwyneth Paltrow is waging a personal war against Vanity Fair. If you haven’t, here’s the rundown:

  • Vanity Fair wanted to do a feature on Gwyneth, who’s already covered the magazine five times.

  • She refused, emailing friends not only to “no comment” to reporters who approach them about this story, but to never appear in the magazine ever again in the history of life.

  • Rumors run rampant that the reason for this is that they’ve uncovered Goop’s affair with Jeffrey Soffer, some manner of billionaire and the husband of Elle Macpherson (though blind items would suggest perhaps a more Glee-ful affair partner).

  • Vanity Fair is proceeding with their story as planned and, in a serious example of the Streisand Effect, will likely now tell that story with a much darker tone and dig much deeper than they’d planned following her very public protests, with editor Graydon Carter saying “she sort of forced my hand.”

Now, Goop’s gone on a full assault. She is reportedly out to “destroy Vanity Fair.” She’s apparently gotten Clooney to back out of the annual Hollywood issue but has been unsuccessful with Julia Roberts because in a bitch-off, Julia’s going to win every single time, that’s just science. And, now that she’s messing with their cover elite, you know Vanity Fair will not fuck around.

The thing is, if things are getting this ugly, there’s got to be more to it than just an affair. In Hollywood, that’s basically real-life-people’s version of a night having one too many drinks. It’s the most common form of Hollywood standardly bad behavior this side of cocaine. So, they know something she doesn’t want us to. And we’re going to find out. What do you think it is? I bet they have photos of her shopping at *gasp!* Target! *faints dead away*

Needless to say, shit will get uglier and uglier and we will be the ones reaping the benefits.

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Above: Us.

You all know I only like Gwyneth when she’s insufferable, so I love this. I hope it never ends. I hope someone gets slapped. SLAP SOMEONE, GWYNETH! PREFERABLY WHILE WEARING SEQUINS AND SHOULDER PADS!

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