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LA Sheriffs to Pink's Husband: Stop Trying to Shoot Looters That Don't Exist, You Moron

By Mike Redmond | Celebrity | November 15, 2018 |

By Mike Redmond | Celebrity | November 15, 2018 |


Whenever a natural disaster hits U.S. soil like the recent Camp Fire in California, without fail, a gaggle of white dudes will fly out of the woodwork to offer their services to their fellow Americans. Unfortunately, those services are praying to God for an opportunity to shoot human beings dead for the petty crime of looting. You see, while most people understand that looting is predominantly committed by poor people just trying to survive a goddamn assault from nature itself, gun-nut assholes are banking on the odds that those looters are probably not white, so they gots to die.

For example, conservatives thought it was f**king awesome when Chris Kyle bragged about sniping 30 looters from a perch on top of the Superdome in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. This turned out to be bullshit like most of Kyle’s stories, but even if it wasn’t, what the hell kind of person thinks it’s badass, let alone probable, that a Navy SEAL had a blank check to just go ahead and murder Americans without any sort of due process? Why would you want that to be true? (That was a rhetorical question. I know the answer is because the victims would be brown. Shh, shh…)

Anyway, the gun-humping basket-cases who flood a disaster zone are generally Oathkeepers and/or militia-types, but sometimes, they’re Pink’s husband and motocross star Carey Hart because our timeline is a flaming Big Dick Toilet right now.

Thanks to Hart’s involvement, the L.A. County Sheriff’s department caught wind of the posse and made it very clear to Los Angeles Magazine that, no, random jackasses should not be shooting at looters because there have been zero reports in the entire county, you f**king idiots. Also, “Thanks for assuming we can’t do our jobs, dickheads!” is one way to read this statement:

“Recently, we had reports of a small group of individuals taking independent actions in the Malibu area who have responded to the area believing they can assist in protecting the community. For those individuals and anyone else concerned, our Department and our partners from supporting law enforcement agencies have adequate personnel on the scene to ensure the protection of life and property for our communities. We would appreciate your cooperation in remaining out of impacted areas while we work towards returning our residents to these neighborhoods.”

Keep in mind, Hart posted his little ode to the 2nd Amendment a mere six days after the Thousand Oaks shooting that left 12 people dead, so it’s nice to see that the never-ending parade of mass shootings is causing zero introspection amongst gun lovers. But, hey, at least they’re not making very public displays about their very clear and pressing urge to use said guns on human targets. That’d be crazy, right? Who does that?*

*Carey Hart. Carey Hart does that. I posted a picture and everything.

Mike is a Staff Contributor living in Pennsyltucky. You can follow him on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Getty