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Susan Sarandon.jpg

Piers Morgan Explains Sarandon's Boobs Aren't Gross, Just Disrespectful

By Emily Cutler | Celebrity | February 5, 2016 |

By Emily Cutler | Celebrity | February 5, 2016 |

Hey, remember at the beginning of the week when Cindy told us about all of the assholes freaking out about Susan Sarandon’s boobs? There have been some developments in that case.

First, Sarandon Tweeted out this little beauty to our boy Piers.

Snow White High Five.gif

But don’t worry, Piers had one in the chamber. He replied with this …

Which leads me to believe he doesn’t understand what “TBT” means.

More to the point he decided to clarify that he doesn’t think Sarandon or her cleavage are unattractive. He just thinks the area between a woman’s collarbone and nipples is inherently disrespectful.

Further explained

(Pssst … Piers, if you’re doing In Memoriams for alive people, you’re doing it wrong.)

Obligatory feminazis reference.

And finally this gem

See? It’s a super simple concept. Men finds boobs sexually attractive. Since men are incapable of seeing boobs and not immediately popping boners, we ladies need to keep them hidden. If we do show any part our of boobs, it’s because we’re dirty, dirty sluts who want men to think about boning us. It couldn’t possibly be that we like the way we look with a bit of cleavage or that we think the skin near our boobs shouldn’t be treated like some kind of goddamn nuclear zone. If we show any amount of skin near our nipples, it’s because we’re actively trying to sexual entice men (which, yeah, also applies to you, breastfeeding mothers. Don’t give me any of this “wanting to feed your baby crap.” You took them tits out for a reason, and we all know what it is).

Having established the first part of this grand thesis (boobs are sexy funbags meant for men’s enjoyment), let’s move onto the second part: women can’t be sexy and respectable. And that’s not my assertion, that’s just science. Men’s brains are wired for sex and so when they see a woman who reminds men of sex, all of the blood rushes away from the “Let’s Treat This Human Person With Dignity And Respect” part of the brain and into the “Humpy! Humpy! Stiffy Go In Now!” part. Again this is not just me talking.

So, ladies, please take Piers’ message to heart. If you need to do anything that requires people to treat you with any shred of respect, don’t show any amount of skin. Turtlenecks are your friend. Or you could just completely avoid fucknuckles like Piers.

You know, the way all of his viewers did.