Those of us smart/lucky enough to have watched the first episode of American Gods walked away with more than a few questions. What did that opening sequence mean? What’s Mr. Wednesday’s overall plan? And most importantly: WHO’S THE SMOKING HOT LEPRECHAUN WHO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SHADOW MOON? You know, this guy?
The answer is Pablo Schreiber, and what do you mean you don’t know who Pablo Schreiber is?! He’s been weird-hotting it up for the last decade and a half. So let’s get some of the bad news out of the way.
He is/was Pornstache.
I can’t remember exactly where the last season of Orange Is The New Black left him, but Pablo Schreiber is, in fact, rapey-prison guard George “Pornstache” Mendez. Don’t let that cloud your judgement too much.
He also apparently played a serial killer/Olivia Benson-stalker on Law & Order: SVU, but I stopped watching that show when the novelty of Ice-T as a cop wore off so I’m unaffected by whatever’s going on here.
Got all that bad stuff? Great! Let’s move onto the hotter part of the weird-hot combo. He played an ambiguously-Eastern-European drug dealer during the later, bad parts of Weeds.
Which means, yep, he absolutely slept with Nancy.
Which was not his first role as as strangely alluring criminal. You might remember him as Nick Sobotka from season two of The Wire.
Or at least you would have had that not been the shitty docks season of The Wire, and were Nick not wildly overshadowed by his cousin Ziggy.
So when would you have seen Pablo just being flat out hot? For starters, in the Hot Guy Smorgasbord that was 13 Hours. See?
Yeah, you see hot Jom Halpinski? Look just to his left. Army Hot Pablo Schreiber.
Also, you might have noticed him being Hot Real Life Brother of Liev?
Or just in general, him walking around with a hot face on him?
So, of course, enjoy your new ogle-bait. But just remember, Pablo Schreiber is more than just a hot face.
He’s hot in a weird way.