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Orlando Bloom Took a Swing at Justin Bieber Because Bieber Bragged About Banging Bloom's Ex-Wife

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | July 30, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | July 30, 2014 |

I cannot tell you how little I care about this story, but I know that if I write it, people will click on it, and then I can tell my daughters one day that some irrelevant has-been by the name of Justin Bieber helped out them through preschool. And then they will say, “Justin Bieber? The Prime Minister of Canada,” and I will say, “Yep. With the funny hat? One and the same.”

Anyway, Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber were in the same restaurant in Ibiza, because that fucking snot-nosed little sh*t shows up everywhere that other celebrities can be found. Orlando Bloom, whose career is tenuously being held afloat by the f*cking Hobbit, was there, and the other f*cking hobbit, Justin Bieber, reached out to shake his hand. Bloom declined, and I guess Bieber said something about f**king his ex-wife, Victoria Secret model, Miranda Kerr.

Here’s what Page Six had to say about the dumb encounter:

“Justin was at one table, and Orlando was at another,” a source told us. “But when Bieber and his party were later walking past Bloom’s table, Orlando refused to shake Bieber’s hand.” Then, “Bieber said something rude to Orlando, like, ‘She was good.’”

TMZ filled in the backstory:

The backstory is almost legendary … Justin partied with Orlando’s then-wife Miranda Kerr after a 2012 Victoria’s Secret fashion show in NYC and they got very VERY close. And in April of this year, Orlando was hanging out with Justin’s on-and-off GF Selena Gomez. So the bad blood is flowing.

Look, I’d be pissed, too, if I found out that I was — uh, Eskimo Brothers? — with Justin Bieber, and I would probably take a swing, too, out of frustration and general embarrassment and because my pride had been hurt and because Justin Bieber is a little, little boy.

There was a little video that you can watch on TMZ, but there’s nothing good in it, and it doesn’t capture the punch being thrown or anything, and it’s really not worth watching. But you can see that Bloom and Bieber occupied the same room at the same time, and aroma of douche probably had to be removed with industrial cleaners afterwards.

UPDATE. Now there is footage. It’s still pretty weak. What a shitty “punch.”

Orlando Bloom Throws Punch at Justin Bieber
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Of course, now I understand why Bieber was there. TMZ cameras were in the vicinity.

Ideally, the two would just beat each other senseless, the final Hobbit movie will scree, Bieber’s career will faceplant into oblivious, and we’ll be done with them.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.