Friends, we’re here today for two reasons. The first being that Kristen Stewart is having a(nother) moment, only this time, there’s no Hot Topic shirt with her face on it (I just checked.) The second being, and I think if you read this site regularly you know what’s coming—Kristen Stewart has always been awesome, but disdain for Mormon propaganda disguised as an emotionally abusive relationship between a teen vampire and his lady love, who also kind of likes a teen-wolf boy who wears jean cut-off shorts and undressed in front of her father that one time, just got in the way of that.
Look, I’m not here to berate anyone for not understanding the magic of Twilight, yet again. I mean, that day will come (soon) but it is not this day. Today, we’re just going to embrace the fact that Kristen Stewart is universally cool, a fact that for a few of us Twilight-early adopters have always known in our hearts because we scribbled it on our notebooks to share with the fourth period and the world.
While Pajiba has already crowned its Best Chris—Keanu Reeves, naturally, there is a growing call on the internet for a new, dark horse candidate. I am, of course, talking about Kristen Stewart because it would be weird if I brought up anyone else right now.
Anyway, here’s what Constance Grady at Vox has to say on the matter:
I want to be clear: When I say that Kristen Stewart is performing Chris-ness in the new Charlie’s Angels, I don’t just mean that she’s also blond now (although she is), or that she’s also in an action movie (although she is). I mean that she’s performing the sweet and earnest jock persona that is at the heart of the Hollywood Chris ideal, and she is making it genderqueer.
First of all, I like what is being laid down here, and I think I’d like to subscribe to the newsletter.
Stewart’s character in the movie is Sabina, the kind of earnestly nice superspy who will die to protect her friends but always fumbles her way through her quippy punchlines. She gets distracted during one stakeout because she’s looking at cute dog pictures, and then again during another because she’s checking out a girl. In another movie, she’d be the blond ditz to co-star Ella Balinska’s sleek badass — the Cameron Diaz to Balinska’s Lucy Liu — but Stewart plays Sabina as too butch for her to read as a ditz the way her Angelic forebears did. She’s all leather jackets and short bangs, not crop tops and feathered hair.
Instead, Sabina reads as a superhumanly athletic and powerful spy with the heart of a loveable golden retriever, an overwhelmingly sweet jock. With just a touch of performed masculinity, the ditz becomes a Chris.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, you are absolutely right. If you haven’t seen Charlie’s Angels already, you really should go, today. It was super fun and goofy in all the right ways, and if you don’t believe me, Tori agreed in her review.
For those among you who are Best Chris purists (although Keanu won, here, so like, how many of you are out there?) who want to cry out in anguish, “But Kate! She is a Chris with a “K” how can you be so wanton with the moniker of Best Chris?!”
To that I say: “Friend, My name is Kate with a “K” and not a “C” of course I am going to believe the letter “K” is superior to “C” and perhaps a Kris with a “K” is what this entire discussion has been lacking for so long. Kuh.”
I’m not really sure where we go from here, other than the fact that Kristen Stewart is probably the Best Chris, but also, the Best Kris, in Hollywood and we all should get on board with that ASAP.
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