Is Rob Lowe on the verge of a celebrity male lifestyle site? If he were, would you not
run click on over the second it went live? Dude is 51 and he still looks like a damned kid. Sure, he’s got good genes, but there must be more to it than that, right? I mean, we hope it’s more than that, because we all want to keep looking good — and I don’t know about you, but if my only shot is good genes, well… Yeah, back to Rob Lowe, who’s freely sharing his secrets of youth, and talking about his inexplicable Dadbod obsession. I’m skipping the parts about his skin care line (HIS WHAT?), because who gives a fork about that?
What’s the first order of his daily beauty routine? (Just like mine! Er, the caffeine part.):
“I start my morning with as much caffeine as I can get into my body. If I could do it through an IV, I would…Breakfast is all protein, so I do eggs, Greek yogurt, Paleo, granola. If I’m shooting, I’m in my sweatpants. I stumble into my car and my trusty driver drives me the 88 miles a day to the studio. I have a sleep mask on, little pillow and blankie like I’m 7 years old, and I roll up to the studio and stagger out and then they give me my coffee.”
Wait a minute, this is starting to sound veeery…Goop-ish. Braggy, even.
“Since I was 15, I’ve had the best in the world all over me, making me look the best.”
Well, at least he admits it? And he eats crap, too — just like us!
“It depends if I’m good Rob Lowe or bad Rob Lowe. If I’m good, it’s no carbs and no sugar. Bad Rob Lowe is a Johnny’s pizza followed by a chocolate egg cream. Bad Rob Lowe fucking goes for it…[balance is] my problem. I’m all-in all the time, which is really, really good.”
Bad Cindy is very, very bad (salty chips are my weakness, and I also need balance. The balance of sugar!).
Now, here comes the weird stuff (which could, in fact, be a hint about how he really maintains his youthful appearance.
“If I could sleep in a coffin, I would. I want silence, I want darkness, and I really enjoy the process of falling asleep. I read somewhere that Alexander the Great used to get his battle plans in that weird nether region of being half-asleep and half-awake. I think that’s an important state, especially for creative people. I want that process of consciousness to make great ideas. If sleep were an Olympic sport, I would be Michael Phelps.”
He’s a fucking vamp, y’all.
Why the Dadbod obsession?
“I’m obsessed with this fucking thing. Did you know that I tweeted about it two weeks ago? I put it out there to my millions of followers: Be honest with me: Do I have a dadbod? I just need to know. Because I’m not really sure what it means yet and I need to find out. They said absolutely not, although some wonderful internet sleuths found a photo of me when I was not at my finest and said, yeah, you have a dadbod. I am a dad and I have a bod. So by definition, I have a dadbod.”
Um, yeah, I don’t think so.