Nick Offerman Thinks We Don't Want to Hear About His Sex Life. He Is Wrong

By Vivian Kane | Celebrity | August 22, 2016 |

By Vivian Kane | Celebrity | August 22, 2016 |

Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally are once again taking their show Summer Of 69: No Apostrophe on tour, and talking about all the sexy sex things it entails. Because despite the title, which Offerman reminds us, “is not that subtle,” a lot of people have a hard tim wrapping their brains around the idea of two adults doing sex stuff to each other. As he puts it, “If you are familiar with simple arithmetic, it doesn’t take long to discern it’s a show about performing oral sex on one another.” That description is enough to get most of us running to our “take my money” gif folder, but apparently not everyone agrees.

When The A.V. Club asked Offerman about the various aspects of putting on a show with two middle-aged performers, whose message for the world is to “Get naked and put your parts on or in each other,” he admitted that that makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

Look, I’m 46, Megan’s 57, and we have a happy marriage. We get it on with each other and we feel very celebratory about that. We don’t feel ostentatious. We don’t go make out in front of people at the mall but we will happily sing songs about it and trumpet the fact that we simply are happy in middle age as a loving couple, because I do think there’s a real ageism in our business where if you’re over 35 you’re not supposed to ever kiss anybody with tongue.

Now I’m not saying Nick Offerman is wrong. I think he’s right. I’m sure a lot of people don’t love the mental image of him and Mullally putting their parts on or in each other. What I am saying is that those people are wrong. So wrong. Like, how can they exist in the world as functioning humans and still be so wrong?

Do you doubt how wrong they are? PROOF:

Their cuddly faces

Like, REALLY cuddly faces

Their spot-on flirting game

"Honey, have you seen my condoms?"@MeganOMullally pic.twitter.com/gus6K7ahFU

— Nick Offerman (@Nick_Offerman) October 10, 2015

i could only find one@Nick_Offerman pic.twitter.com/pk2HdcZSKa

— Megan Mullally (@MeganOMullally) October 10, 2015

Their sexy puzzle times

MAGIC MOMENTS@Nick_Offerman #puzzlebush pic.twitter.com/ZOh6Qc1wOy

— Megan Mullally (@MeganOMullally) October 14, 2015

Their sexy other times

And finally, one of the sexiest things to every be performed live by anyone ever.

Dear people who don’t want to see this, you are wrong, but thank you for making more room for the rest of us.