Friends, I have to admit something here. Bradley Cooper has better taste than I suspected. No knock against Lady Gaga, but it does seem their
contract negotiations have stalled rumored romance may be dying out as B.Coop was spotted having lunch with Laura Dern over the weekend. I’ll provide the receipts, as the kids say, in the form of People.com tweet with the image, because adding unnecessary layers is fun.
Bradley Cooper & Laura Dern Enjoy Lunch in N.Y.C., Plus Rami Malek & Lucy Boynton, Katherine Schwarzenegger and More https://t.co/0z9HbOYI7m— People (@people) July 15, 2019
In case I’ve never gone on the record, I will state it now. I f*cking love Laura Dern. Ever since the mid-’90s, she has been my low-key indie lady crush in Hollywood, so I’m a bit conflicted. Through no fault of his own, I’ve decided Cooper is the type of guy who will hit your car in a parking lot and unilaterally decide that you could just rub out the scratch so he leaves without giving you his details because it would inconvenience him.
Is he like this? I don’t know! (Although some jerkface, crap-weasel did do that to me once, and since I didn’t see who it was, I can’t entirely rule out B.Coop as a possible suspect. Also, the scratch did not buff out.) This is just how I feel right now, and it’s Monday, the day I share my truth with everyone. (Don’t ask what happens on Wednesdays, friends.)
My own feelings about Cooper aside (he was great in Wet Hot American Summer) what I really want to know is, what were they doing together?!
People.com says they were enjoying “lunch” in the tweet, and that’s about all the intel we have to go on. Now, someone other than me would probably shrug and tell you we’ll have to wait and see. But I am me (at least I think. I’ve been feeling funny ever since that spooky carnival witch and I looked into a mirror at our reflections at the same time) so I’m not going to leave you hanging, friends.
No. See, I believe that Laura Dern and Bradley Cooper were having lunch together because he, like the rest of America, is fascinated by Megan Rapinoe.
Guess where Laura Dern will be tonight?
Looking forward to seeing you, Seth. But um also…MEGAN RAPINOE!!!!! Woweee 🏆⚽️ https://t.co/8jPyNsXVoV— Laura Dern (@LauraDern) July 15, 2019
It all makes sense, doesn’t it? Cooper obviously likes soccer, because he went to a game that one time.
He also, for whatever reason, has been in the press lately. So it goes to reason that why wouldn’t he try to get close to Megan Rapinoe right now (via Laura Dern) perhaps to get her to agree to do a novelty, funky, sports song, in the vein of the “Super Bowl Shuffle.”
Stranger things have happened.
Obviously, I’ll be on this story as developments occur. In the immortal words of Gandalf (who is hot):
“Look to my coming on the first light of the fifth day, at dawn look to the east.”
Until then, friends.
Header Image Source: Getty