Guy Who Created Ron Swanson Goes To War Against Thanksgiving

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | November 25, 2020 |

There’s a conservative lunatic named Charlie Kirk who has spent the last couple of weeks assailing liberals on Twitter because he thinks we are trying to cancel Thanksgiving.

Why are Democrats so adamant about cancelling Thanksgiving & Christmas celebrations but not BLM & ANTIFA riots?

🤔
— Charlie Kirk (@charliekirk11) November 17, 2020

Democrats were quicker to impose curfews on families wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving than domestic terrorists wanting to burn down their cities. That tells you everything you need to know about that party.
— Charlie Kirk (@charliekirk11) November 24, 2020

If Democrats defund the police, who will they call to arrest everyone who attends Thanksgiving celebrations?
— Charlie Kirk (@charliekirk11) November 23, 2020

I thought the man was just throwing punches at ghosts here because there is nothing in our ANTIFA charter about Thanksgiving. I mean, sure: We’ve all been brainwashed into believing that Christmas — THE DAY OUR SAVIOR WAS CRUCIFIED — is a cynical capitalistic institution (those garish Xmas light displays at WalMart in September are FOR JESUS), but no one gave me the memo about Thanksgiving. It makes no sense. Everyone loves Thanksgiving. It’s the one thing that Democrats and Republicans, socialists and AR-15 owners can all agree upon. Thanksgiving is a sacred holiday about food and eating and eating and food, and that’s something we can all get behind.

Except Mike Schur, creator of Parks and Recreation and The Good Place and hater of Thanksgiving. Schur went off on Thanksgiving food on Twitter last night.

Your parents or relatives told you This Meal was more important than Other Meals. This Meal *matters,* for family reasons and America reasons and nebulous Other Reasons. It was a big deal! You had to dress up and your cousins came over and there was no school. It "Mattered."
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) November 25, 2020

This turkey took hours to cook, and everyone made a Big Deal about it, how great it was and how incredible the cooks did preparing it. And you tasted it, and it…was turkey.
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) November 25, 2020

Everyone talked about the stuffing, how it was The Best Part and Oh My God The Stuffing!, and You Have To Try The Stuffing!, so you did, and it was gross and dry and had a billion herbs that made you feel like you were licking a forest floor.
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) November 25, 2020

You had some turkey and some potatoes and skipped right to pecan pie and ice cream. And as all the adults told each other that This Meal was incredible, and This Meal Was Just Perfect, and We Can't Wait For Leftovers Tomorrow!, somewhere, down deep, you knew they were wrong.
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) November 25, 2020

Now you're grown-up. You control your own life. You can break out of this horrible circular trap. You can admit now what you've always known.

It isn't worth it.

It's not that good.

Most of it is bad.

It takes *days* to make.

It. Isn't. Worth. It.
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) November 25, 2020

Or you can admit what you've always known. What you knew years ago, when you were a kid. This Meal is worse than almost every other meal you're going to eat this year, and it will have taken 1000x as long to make. Break out of the prison you're in. Open your eyes. Start fresh.
— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) November 25, 2020

This, coming from the man who hates fruit pie. Wow. Just wow. Way to make Charlie Kirk look good, Schur.

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