I hope by now you accept that Stars are not just like us. They have people on their staff to dance for them at any hour of the day, in any style; have seen the actual 4-hour long early director’s cut of Blade Runner; and are able to sometimes pull off the impossible: a few A-listers are actually two children, stacked on top of each other, pretending to be an adult. You won’t be surprised to find out who.
So you’ll understand my shock that Meghan Markle allegedly revealed a very common due date, via People: “late April,” and that she believes that she’s having a baby (more on that in a moment.)
Am I insinuating that in order to be a celebrity you cannot possibly operate on the Gregorian calendar? Maybe…but I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation lest I lose access to the real calendar more celebrities work off of. I’ve already said too much.
What does a “late April” due date mean in this regard?
Well, first off, we’re looking at a Taurus born in the year of the Pig. Which means the baby is going to be a steady-Eddie (or Edie) who is going to be quite practical. That’s good, because the last thing the Royals need is another treasure hunter on their hands.
So Meghan also (allegedly) told a rando, who related it back to the press, that she believes she is having either a boy or a girl, so you know, a baby. If she’s right, then we must consider the possibility that Meghan is psychic which you must believe will be thoroughly investigated by me. The second possibility is that she gives birth to a transcendental being that is beyond the vocabulary of what our feeble human brains can comprehend, but at this point, I’m not suggesting you make a heavy bet on this option…yet.
So this is what I am confident we can stake some authority on—if you have a Duchess due date baby pool at your office or local dog park, and put any stock into the rumors of a feud between Meghan and Kate Middleton, then your safest money is squarely on April 29th as the day Meghan and Harry’s first child will be born.
Well, that’s Kate and William’s anniversary.
I know I’ll be watching with baited breath to see how this plays out. Until then, friends.